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ochrearia · 5 months ago

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"Brothers, right?"

The brain is rotting. If my friends happen to mention they have something they need to finish to my face then I go into Pavloving mode and I always promise RGBFverse drabbles if they finish their shit. Like dangling a bite of turkey

BFs in this drabble: PoPr!BF (Biff, mine), fc!BF (Boyf, Keyy's), Yourself (YS)

It was becoming more and more common that YS wouldn't be left alone for very long if any of the others could help it. The more instances he made aware of his existence, the harder it became to find himself actually and truly alone. Whether that consisted of constant text messages in the group chat with teasing snarks of 'Watch what you say, the big scary admin's probably lurking', or having someone just casually stroll through his mirror, it was all the same sentiment.

Sometimes it was someone looking for advice. Actually, that was what YS was always expecting out of them. But now? More often than not they came over just because they could. No real problems- not anything urgent at least. Only eager smiles and mischief in the air, because for most of his other selves 'just hanging out' had a second meaning of 'how can I piss YS the hell off today?'.

They never truly pissed him off. It would take a whole lot to get to that point (Biff did it once, but the more in the past it became the harder it was for him to justify the overwhelming fury it had caused).

Speaking of Biff, he was here. Boyf was here too, he'd come a little later and decided he had nothing better to do. It was pretty late at night, and realistically the both of them should be going home to their partners by now. YS had never had a 'sleepover' with any of them staying over at his place. He'd slept over a few times at Biff's, and once for Beef, but that was an embarrassing story he mainly tried to keep out of his head.

"I very highly doubt my shitty couch and boring selection of TV channels is a better place to crash compared to your apartment where your lovers are." YS snarked quietly to Boyf. He kept his voice low, causing a gravelly effect but still smooth somehow.

Biff was already fast asleep against his leg, curled up and one arm completely bent over his lap. This idiot was going to worry his partners, there was no way he'd mentioned to them he might stay over long. But YS didn't have the heart to wake him up either. Dammit, when did he lose all capacity to be mean?

"Can stay for a bit longer. No harm in it. Not like I have a curfew, you know." Boyf responded. It was strange, there seemed to be agitation in his eyes.

YS shrugged, allowing for his hand to find its way softly to Biff's back, rubbing comforting patterns as he slept away. He hated to admit it, but it was starting to get a little difficult to keep his eyes open too. Seemed like the warmth from one body was enough to placate him way more than he'd admit to.

"How did he do it?"

What? "I... I have no idea what you're referring to, I'm gonna be honest."

"Biff. Look at him." Boyf thought with a sniff. "Content with where he is. Totally comfortable with falling asleep on top of you like it's second nature. And you let him, hell, you indulge him. It's like there's miles of difference between the two of you and the rest of us."

YS grimaced slightly, looking between the sleeping Biff and Boyf. Ah, shit, suppose he was right. "Well-"

"Is it really just because he got to meet you first? Or is there just something about that version of us you like more?"

"I- no, no, nothing like that I swear." YS frowned, getting a little nervous. Shit. He should've been acting less close with Biff around the others, of course they were going to pick it up as possible favoritism. "I- I just... I don't know. Biff's just... I can't say different, because that's not the right word. Fuck, how do I word this?"

Boyf watched him carefully as he struggled to find a way to say what he wanted.

"I care about all of you. I wouldn't have kept in contact if I didn't. I've been left to suffer alone for a while, and somewhere along the line I think I've forgotten how social relationships work. I know I'm guarded, and probably really freaky, and as much as the initial reactions of rejection from everyone hurt, I can't say I don't understand them. If I was normal I'd probably freak out too. Biff wasn't super keen about me at the beginning, but I also kind of sucker-punched him in the face with my microphone as our first meeting. I think I stuck around after to try and make up for that."

"Holy shit, you did? Wait, that's actually really hilarious."

"Ha ha." YS rolled his eyes. "I regret being like that. I don't regret meeting him. I threw everything I had at him in a song that still echoes in my own head from time to time and he still won. Maybe I got intrigued off of that. The way he and I met was wildly different to how I met the rest of you, and I think that also might play a part in our whole... dynamic."

"I guess that makes sense." Boyf sighed, shaking his head. "It's a little funny that you whacked the shit out of him the first second. I guess that one interaction set the tone for the rest of forever, definitely seems like the kind of shit an older brother would do to a younger one."

"I didn't exactly have plans of getting to this point when I did that." YS grumbled. "I was in pain and blinded to any actual logic. Doesn't excuse what I did obviously. Suppose everything I've done since then has been me trying to apologize for how I acted. It wasn't right of me."

Biff shifted slightly in his sleep, causing YS to break out of his thoughts. He didn't wake, thankfully, and the taller one returned to his mindless pattern tracing. Biff was important to him. Really important. They all were. It was sappy, and scary to think about for too long, because he was scared. The rest hadn't reacted all that well to him. Way more hostile than Biff had been on his own at the start. But something tugged painfully in his heart, thinking about the rest. He wanted to be close to all of them, like a family, but he was scared they wouldn't feel the same. He really only felt safe to act like a brother to Biff.

Maybe he really should put some more trust in his other selves, but after everything, losing who he did, god it was so terrifying. He ached for connection but was far too scared to take that risky step to get it. Maybe that would be his fate, since he was such a coward.

"You're all important to me." YS insisted. "I guess I haven't been doing a good job of actually showing that. I'm sorry."

For what it was worth, Boyf looked a little guilty for bringing it up. "No, you've been doing great. It's my fault. The way you act with him is obviously different but I shouldn't have taken it so personally."

"But that's hardly fair, right?" YS cut in, shaking his head. "That's not fair to the rest of you. None of you were in control of the circumstances for how we met, what gives me the right to show clear favoritism for one little brother compared to the rest? That's such a shitty thing for me to-"

"One little brother compared to the rest?"

Fuck.

YS startled, realizing what the hell he'd just said. He looked at Boyf, who's expression became unreadable, and he hated to admit it, but he really, fully panicked.

"I- shit, wait-" YS stumbled, nerves making his muscles tighten. Fuck, why did he say that?! Boyf had had enough of being the accidental target of words YS absolutely should not say out loud, why was it so hard to just keep his mouth shut?! "I'm- I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that, I wasn't supposed to- That's- That's so weird, isn't it? That's weird. I shouldn't have-"

"Why the hell are you apologizing?" Boyf thought, and incredulous look spreading on his face.

YS shifted nervously, not quite being able to meet the other's eyes. "I'm supposed to be guarded. I'm not supposed to say things like that, I reach out to offer help and nothing more, I'm not allowed to take enjoyment out of what I'm doing, that defeats the purpose, that makes me selfish." I'm not supposed to be given nice things.

That last one went unspoken.

Boyf scooted a little closer. The couch was already on the small side, and Biff had to be all curled up as it was to even fit on his side without spilling over the edge. The smallest of the three still slept away, completely unaware to what was going on right in front of him.

"I was jealous."

YS blinked, his panic derailed for a moment from the confession that seemed so out of left field. "Huh?"

"I was jealous of Biff. That's why this whole conversation started." Boyf thought, a determined but slightly embarrassed look on his face. "I was jealous, because he's so clearly a little brother to you, and you're a big brother to him, and you clearly both want it that way. But that's between you two."

A pause.

"I'm a middle child, you know. But because of how things played out, I didn't get to be the middle child really. I had to be the eldest when I didn't want to. I had to miss out on having an older sibling to take care of me when I needed it. I was robbed, but I can't really be mad about it. And then you showed up. And the way you act with Biff, it made me jealous, because why the hell does he get to have a big brother and I still don't?"

YS was silent; stunned into silence, actually, because this was the last thing he'd been expecting. He'd noticed Boyf's random insistence to be taken care of before, though he'd blamed it on how sick he had been when it happened. That wasn't sick-induced? That was just him?

"Don't apologize for what you said. God, don't you fucking dare." Boyf frowned at him. "I didn't think you had the same idea for the rest of us that you do for Biff. I really couldn't tell. It's hard to read you, like, at all. Can't you be my big brother too? If you really see us all the same way?"

He was asking. Letting him decide if he wanted to or not, as if YS had any real choice to begin with. He was in too deep that he couldn't say no anymore- not that he even wanted to. God, he'd just been scared, scared the whole time. Fear of rejection, of abandonment, saying or doing the wrong thing. Not doing enough, doing too much. Judging eyes always on him, the same ones that saw him fit to tear his own wings off after letting the one person he'd cared about die. And now he was here, amongst selves that wanted him to be important to them.

"If... If that's what you want." YS said carefully. If he made it sound like he was just indulging him, maybe it wouldn't feel so undeserved.

"If it's what we both want." Boyf thought firmly. "I don't want a one-sided thing. I want a big brother that wants me to be his little brother, not someone who just does what I want them to. That's not the same."

He was going to make him admit it. Admitting things was scary.

"I..." He hesitated. "I'd really like that."

Boyf seemed pleased with this answer. Good, for once, YS had said something right around him. Maybe if he was just honest with his feelings more he wouldn't fuck up so much. If only that didn't take so much out of him.

YS hesitated for another moment, before silently reaching his arm out to Boyf. An invitation, because there was still space on the couch, and he had another leg that could be used as a pillow if needed. If they really both wanted to be brothers, then closeness could be okay, and not terrifying. Biff had taught him that. Surely it would go the same for the rest?

Boyf barely took any time to think about it. He may have been over a foot taller than Biff, but the minute the invitation was made he was curling up to fit, head leaned against YS's other leg. He managed to squeeze himself into enough of a ball to avoid spilling over the edge of the couch too. It was late, and realistically this probably meant he would stay over too, with how enthusiastically he pushed his head against him.

"You should at least warn your partners you might stay out overnight." YS reminded gently, his other arm coming to mirror what he was doing with Biff. Equal treatment.

"Fine, fine. I know it's late but I just got to meet my big brother for real, you're not kicking me out immediately." Boyf pulled out his phone and started tapping away.

YS couldn't help the chuckle that escaped from his lips. Oh, his eyes were growing so heavy now. Two sources of body heat were curled up against his legs, warmth seeping from the contact points to the rest of his body. The adrenaline from the short panic had immediately ran off, taking extra energy with it. He didn't mind this.

Two little brothers. Maybe more, if I can stop being so scared. But two is enough for tonight.

#rgbfverse #brovers. theyre brovers #My final goal in life. Write every BF becoming affectionate little brothers to YS

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bunniesssstuff · 9 months ago

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summary Getting stuck in a mystery world with all your ex crush and the boy of your dreams aka your current crush

pairing enhypen x reader

genre romance

warnings none for this chapter

Chapter 1 : Decelis High

Your neighbourhood was filled with old grumpy couples so you never really had anyone to play with . Yes , you did have friends in school but they lived miles away from your house nor did you have any siblings.

But then he entered your lonely childhood.

Kim Sunoo.

When you first came to know that a boy of your age had recently shifted to your neighbourhood, you were overjoyed.

After begging your mother for hours, she finally took off time from her job and invited Sunoo's family over. But that day you were not able to gather enough confidence to go and talk to him.

Sunoo was a bubbly boy, always giggling and smilling, and you were rather shy. So Sunoo was the one who started the conversation.

"What's your favourite fruit?" An unexpected question for you.

"I like mangoes"

And that was the start of your unexpected friendship. He even begged his parents to enroll him in the same school as you.

Once when you both were playing in the park, you fell down and got hurt. Sunoo got so worried that he tried to carry you back home, which was unsuccessful. So he went back home alone and called your parents, so that they could carry you and bring you home.

Sunoo got really sick in 6th grade, so you thought that you would make some soup for him. You did make soup for him but unfortunately you gave a little too much salt in the soup, which made it taste like salty water. But Sunoo still drank it for you. Only for you.

You two were inseparable.

He was like your other half.

If you were happy, he was happy.

If you were sad, he was too.

Growing up, you became really fond of Sunoo, he was your best friend afterall.

You two were so close that the people in your neighbourhood thought that you both eventually fall in love and get married in the future.

Even you started imagining about marrying him in the future, because you were falling in love, at first you didn't realise it, you were too young but then in 7th grade something inside you snapped when you saw Sunoo sitting with another girl during lunch, and you realised that you had a minor crush on this bubbly guy .

You told about this to your mother but she just giggled.

When you turned into a teen in 8th grade, puberty started to kick in. You wanted Sunoo to like you the way you liked him

But then your father suddenly decided to change your school and Sunoo's parents bought a house a little too far from your house.

You and Sunoo got separated.

And you thought that the love that you had for him would forever be one-sided.

Decelis High School, one of the best schools in Seoul.

When you first entered the school, it felt like you entered a very expensive 5 star hotel. Everything was so well kept. All the students looked like supermodels. The Students did everything so elegantly. The way they dressed up, the way they did their hair, even the way they drank water, everything was just so perfect and elegant.

You started to search your class.

8A.

Where could it be?

You finally found it after a lot of searching.

You sighed and entered the classroom.

You tried not to make eye contact with your new classmates and sat at an empty desk in the corner.

Soon , your homeroom teacher entered the class , he was an old scary looking man. As soon as he entered, the whole class went quiet, not a single person dared to talk. You soon found out that Mr. Kim, your homeroom teacher was a pretty strict teacher, everyone was scared of him. Tough luck ig.

Mr. Kim asked the new students to introduce themselves and you HATED it. Your social anxiety was taking over you. Your heart was racing like crazy. But you gathered up enough courage and stood up. You greeted ur teacher and told him his name. You tried to act all cool but your anxiety was eating you up from inside, Mr. Kim asked you a few things and then you sat down. Finally that was done.

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly , you made a few new friends and got kinda used to your classmates but then there was this one boy , who caught your eye. Park Jong-seong, Park Jay for short, one of the popular guys who had girls swooning over him. I mean he had it all, looks, body, height, talent, and brain. You couldn't help but feel drawn to him. But you stopped yourself, you can't just fall for a guy on the first day. You needed to be extra careful now.

Little did you know that this guy, Jay ain't gonna let you live in peace.

A pretty short chapter but this is the first chap. I promise the others will be longer !!

Hope you like it!

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twinklychan · 1 year ago

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Ib the song: Lovers - Anna of the North

Warning: Angst, the main lead (y/n), is in a constant state of hallucination about a past lover, death, su!c!de

Not proofread!

"I'll never walk away, I'll always be by your side." He said, smiling down on you as you both were cuddling on the couch in his living room. You giggled as you kissed his hand, which was draped over your chest like a protective fence.

“I'll always be by your side.” You smiled, looking up in his eyes as they shone with love and passion for you. Your face heated as a blush crept up your neck, dusting your cheeks.

Seungmin suppressed a smile, obviously noticing the blush as he felt his heart melt. He felt special, knowing that only he was able to make you blush with his words.

You then quickly turned around again, cuddling more into his hand as you tried to hide your face.

“I'll never break your heart.” He whispered into your ear as you swatted his hand, blushing even harder at his uncommon cheesiness.

“What happened to my seungmin?” You asked, rather whining as he threw his head back onto the backrest, laughing.

“What?? Can't I be romantic?” He teased and you turned around, pulling out of his embrace only for him to let out a small cry at the loss of warmth around his chest.

“Nooo~” he pouted exaggeratedly, making you giggle once again.

You then quickly pecked his lips, feeling him smiling into it. He grabbed you by your waist as you wanted to pull away, pulling you flush against his body, faces only mere centimeters apart as you avoided eye contact.

“We've been together for 5 years, 3 months and 20 days and you still can't keep eye contact.” He laughed teasingly as you groaned, letting your head fall into his chest.

“I know~ I'm trying my best here, okay?” You asked and he nodded, kissing the top of your head.

“I know, baby, don't stress out on it, I think it's cute.” He mumbled. You lifted up your head and looked at his lips, your face felt like a phone overheating.

He smiled down on you fondly, grabbing your cheeks with his hands as he desperately broke the distance between you, just like he did when you kissed for the first time.

He went every extra mile there was to make you smile and see you all happy. You wanted to do the same.

The rest of the night was filled with cuddling on the couch, just laughing and reminiscing about past memories.

You would enjoy every second of it, appreciating it.

But just like everything in your life, he had to leave too soon. Taken away like the beautiful flower he was, leaving you in the garden, ugly and untouched. You wanted to be picked up just like he was but beautiful flowers were never overlooked, only the ugly ones.

You wanted to see him again, feel him, hear him speak, finally keep eye contact. If you had known just how soon he'd be gone, you would've tried so much harder. You would've looked at him so many times, your mind could draw a picture of him, with every single detail.

But it was too late. You were too late. Once again. You hated every second of it.

Every second of the pain in your heart, slowly building a whole city of broken homes. As if you'd try to kill yourself unconsciously.

Your crying was the only thing that was echoing throughout the apartment of you both, you remembered the countless movie nights, cooking together in the kitchen, getting ready in the bathroom. Everything. it all slipped out of your grip.

As if you had a handful of sand, not noticing how one by one more and more sand was falling down. You had tried your best to protect it. But you were never enough.

You cried uncontrollably, day and night, your friends worrying behind your apartment door as you never opened it. No one was allowed to see you as broken as you were right now. Only Seungmin. Only he would be allowed to see you in your worst and best moments. But he was gone.

“He's…he's g-” you couldn't even mouth it as you kept on crying, he's gone. Sadness turned into anger as you kept on crying.

“How?!” You screamed at a picture of the both of you.

“HOW- how could you leave me behind?” you whimpered the last part.

“I wanted to be able to look into your eyes, I wanted to be able to show you the loving you gave me. I wanted to be able to reflect on you. I wanted to- I wanted us to be forever.” You cried, laying down on the couch you had endless cuddly nights on.

“How- how will I ever be able to move on?”

“When will I see you again?” You asked, your whimpers growing stronger and stronger as you looked at the pills in your hands.

“I can't live- I can't live without you.” You mumbled, downing every pill you had, grabbing a glass of water and gulping down everything you had.

“Don't worry my love, we'll meet again. Sooner as you may think.” You whispered as you hugged a pillow, feeling how your body lost its life, its shine. Your eyelids felt heavy on your face, as you let them close, finally coming to peace.

The peace you craved. The peace you needed. Your breathing calmed down, until it stopped.

And when your friends finally managed to break into your apartment after days of trying to find a way, their heart fell.

Your lifeless body on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket that smelled like him. The worst part was how calm you looked. You looked happier than ever. A smile on your face. It looked like it was everything you needed.

And no one could bring you back.

#seungmin #kim seungmin #straykids angst #skz #straykids fanfiction #straykids imagine #straykids oneshots #angst #skz angst #sad ending #oneshot

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dumbass-tumbler-cryptid · 1 year ago

Note

Can I ask you to write (if you feel like it and have free time, I don't want to sound imperative/demanding) a ficlet/next chapter of Blood Brother about the meeting of children with Lyle and Zdog, which you mentioned a few posts earlier?

I love the original story with all my heart but there is something special about this one shot, I totally can't stop thinking about it since I read it. I think the best thing here is Spider's quite rebellious (idk what to call it) character and how he protects his brother. The whole basement scene made me feel close to tears. I really admire your skills and creativity, and i hope you have a nice day/night 💕

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I was super proud of the basement scene when I wrote it so I'm really happy it's been so well received.

And yes I will gladly write about the boys meeting Uncle Lyle and Auntie Z 💞

########################################

Miles and Hunter were laying on the living room floor engrossed in their homework, their father sitting over them supervising, when rustling noises and the faint sound of chatting alerted the family. Miles immediately jumped to his feet and looked to his father for direction. The man waved him off. “It’s nothin’ Junior. Just your uncle and auntie comin’ up for a visit.”

“Our what now?” As far as Miles knew neither of his parents had siblings. Or at least siblings that they kept in contact with.

“They’re some of my old squad mates. My right hand man Lyle Wainfleet and your mama’s best friend Savin Zdinarsik. Z-dog for short. They’re coming up to see how we're doing. Bring us supplies and all of that.”

“Like what Pa,” Hunter asked, sitting up to innocently stare at him.

The father had to chuckle. His soon to be thirteen year old thought he was being so casual with his question but the anticipation was written all over his face. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” Hunter pouted over that answer. His Pa bent over and playfully ruffled the boy's hair. Hunter glared at him with all the ferocity of a kitten, incredibly annoyed, but too cute for his Pa to take seriously.

Still laughing at his youngest Miles Sr stood up, motioning for his son’s to follow. “Come on boys. Let’s go say hi.”

They stood outside for only a few moments before two figures came strolling out of the foliage, one a broad bald man, the other an incredibly fit woman with a mohawk. They both broke out into wide grins at the sight of the family. “Holy shit,�� Lyle exclaimed as he quickened his step towards the house, “would you look at you boys! It’s only been two months but you both already changed so much!”

Hunter cocked his head to the side, “you’ve seen us before?”

Lyle’s expression became awkward, “yeah, but y’a know the circumstances were a little different,” he laughed nervously, “I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You were both kinda…asleep.”

“Were you the one who rescued me?” Hunter asked, putting the pieces together.”

Lyle’s nerves melted away at the word “rescued” instead of “kidnapped”. His smile returned even wider than before, “yeah kid I was.”

“Oh, thank you,” Hunter exclaimed, bouncing a little in place.

“You’re welcome kiddo,” Lyle turned his attention to the eldest brother. “Look at you! You actually look like a boy now without those pussy braids,” Lyle roughly ruffled Miles' hair. The teen took the teasing in good stride, rolling his eyes, but with a faint smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

“Alright, alright. My turn already,” Auntie Z said, pushing Lyle out of the way. She paused in front of them drinking in their image. There was something so sad and tender in her eyes yet happy at the same time. She turned to the boys’ father, “god they look like her don’t they.”

All three members of the family felt their hearts swell. Miles Sr proudly pat both of his sons on the shoulder, “they sure do. They sure as shit didn’t get this good lookin’ from me.” The adults all laughed while the boys smiled awkwardly. “How ‘bout we head inside. I’m sure you two want to rest, grab a bite, unpack…”

“We do” said Lyle. He had a wry grin on his face that instantly told the family he was up to no good, “but we have a surprise first.”

The boys’ eyes lit up, “a surprise?” “Like what? “Where is it?” “Is it in your backpack?” “Show us!” “What is it!”

“Boys! Stop talkin’ over each other.” Their father fixed them with a stern look, instantly quieting his sons, then turned his attention to his comrades, “I’m sure whatever it is it can wait for a couple more days.” Miles Sr gave a subtle glance to the soon to be birthday boy. Hunter didn’t notice, too focused on his aunt and uncle.

“No can do boss,” said Z, “this isn’t exactly the type of thing you can keep waiting for long.”

The Colonel was instantly suspicious, “what did you two do?”

Z and Lyle’s confidence never wavered, “follow me.” Z beckoned them forward. Miles and Hunter rushed ahead eager to see what they had been brought. Their father trailed behind annoyed. They only had to walk a few feet into the tree line when they saw it. The brothers gasps, racing forward, sinking to their knees to pet the excited border collie puppy that was leashed to a tree.

Their aunt and uncle beamed down at them as they watched the kids play with the pup. She jumped into their laps, licked their faces, rolled over so the boys could rub her belly. The boys were shrieking with joy. “She’s so cute!” “How old is she?” “Does she have a name?” “Did you really get her for us?” “Do we really get to keep her?”

“Boys what did I just tell y’a about talkin’ over each other.” All the attention turned to Miles Sr. At the look of exasperation on their fathers face, the boys sobered from their excitement.

“Papa….” Hunter called, making sure he looked as wide eyed and pitiful as possible.

His father sighed, “Hunter don’t you start…”

“Papa please…” said Miles every bit as pleading as his little brother.

“Miles not you too…”

“Please Papa.” “Look at her, how can you say no to this face.” “We promise we’ll take good care of her.” “Yeah! We’ll take her on walks…” “…and feed her…” “….and give her baths…” “…and pick up her shit…”

“Alright alright, quit your begging already.”

The woods became quiet as they all waited for the fathers decision. Z was the first to break the silence. “We thought it’d be good for the boys to have a little extra company.”

“Yeah!” Lyle said, “a friend..”

The Colonel scoffed, “what do they need a friend for. There’s two of ‘em!” The brothers both shrank inward, bracing for the inevitable no. Their father noticed and lost some of his fire. “God, do you two have to look so absolutely pathetic? You’re killin’ me here! Or maybe I’m just goin’ soft. Keep the damn dog I don’t care…” His son’s where wrapped around him in an instant

“Thank you, thank you, thank you Papa!” Hunter's face was buried in his father’s torso, muffling his shouts of joy.

“Thank you so much Pa,” Miles said, tucked under his father’s chin.

Miles Sr squeezed his sons tight, “anything for you boys.”

#miles spider socorro #spider socorro #miles quaritch #colonel miles quaritch #blood brothers au

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harrison-abbott · 1 year ago

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I went to see a psychiatrist

To see if I could get some help

With my verbal tics; because they

Had bothered me my entire life

And they made other people

Think I was funny,

When I wasn’t, or so I hoped;

I had a job and a flat and friends:

Everything else was all right aside

From these tics – where I would

Spasmodically say words without

Meaning to; when I was in the

Supermarket or on the bus or

Just walking down the street, all

At random. …

So I looked up this psychiatrist

Chap who was within my price

Range. And I took the tram out

To his office, which was in

Some ugly industrial building

Several miles away. And I was

Pretty nervous about meeting him.

The only things I knew about

Psychiatry were from TV shows

And scenes in books and thus I

Was no expert. And so I thought

I would meet the cute girl

Receptionist at a plush desk and

Then would be shown in to this

Equally snazzy room with books

Lining the walls and two huge

Arm chairs on either side of

A coffeetable … But all that

Happened was that I went to

The ground floor and asked to

See this man and they told me

To get that elevator and then

I found an office four minutes

Later and this chap asked me

To come in and shut the door

And sit at his tinny table. He

Spent another minute checking

His emails and then he shut

His laptop away and then he

Sat back and asked me to describe

My problem. And I’ve never been

So good a speaker in any sense.

You know how people are good

With their voice, that they have

That thespian thing? Well, I have

Never quite been adept with language.

I can write okay but when it comes

To speaking I stumble over the words

And I used to have a stutter when

I was a kid and I have extra problems

With eye contact and so on, etc etc.

And because I was trying to explain

Something that bothered me I got

A bit emotional at the same time.

About my tic. Tics. There are many

Of them – where I spout out a word

Involuntarily. And as I was relaying

The description, I started to tic,

Right there in front of this man.

He first noticed it with a snap of

His own head, and he blinked, as

If hearing a popped balloon.

And I tried to control it but I couldn’t

And so I just kept tic tic ticking

Right in front of him. And at first

He put his hand up to his mouth,

Which I thought at first was to

Mask his embarrassment. And so

I thought he was empathetic …

But then his fingers slipped off

And I saw that he was smiling.

He was trying not to laugh.

And then he laughed. Ho hee ha.

He scoffed and I stared at him

And he spluttered and it was quite

Bizarre because I didn’t have the

Confidence to say some dramatic

Commanding line to get him to

Hush up and I eventually had

To stop altogether because the tics

Had invaded the whole monologue.

What I did instead was to get up

From my chair and bolt out of the

Room and whilst I was hurt and so

On I didn’t see why I had to pay this

Man for his session and he called

After me Mister … and my surname

And his expression had changed and

He wasn’t getting fifty fucking pound

To laugh at me like we were in high

School, which was probably where

All of this mess began and proliferated.

#writeblr #creative writing #prose #writers on tumblr #prose poetry #poems #poem #stories #short fiction #tumblr writers #fiction #short story #flash fiction #spilled ink

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stayarmytinyzenmoa-l · 2 years ago

Text

Hug-a-Boo

University AU

TW: Language, Alcohol Consumption, Mildly suggestive, Drunk Fluff (Consent is sexy guys)

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Fluff (lots of it)

Pairing: Choi Soobin x Reader

YN Pronouns: Not Specified

[Other Groups Masterlist] | [Kind of a Prequel to This Request]

[Ao3 Link] | [Wattpad Link]

Word Count: 5.4K

Notes: I HAVEN'T WRITTEN FOR TXT IN FOREVERRRR anyway This is the prequel to a request I received a while back! It was so cute that I couldn't resist hehe that and there's always room for Soobin Fluff Fics on this site!

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

You don't know how you got into this situation.

Your heart was beating a mile a minute, your face heated from either the alcohol or the embarrassment, and, this is the most important part, you were beneath the so-called "guy from Physics" that you'd been silently crushing on the entire semester. His own face had been flushed red from the amount of beer he'd apparently chugged down before getting here, but somehow he kept eye contact with you, and whenever you'd turn away, you'd later look back to see that he hadn't moved at all. The pillow beneath your head was soft, and while your head sank in the edges rose up and pushed your hair against your face, if you looked to either side of you, you'd see Soobin's hands gripping onto the sheets like there was no tomorrow. Somehow, the large sweater you'd pulled on was much warmer than before.

"(Y/N)," it was like he was testing your name on his lips. "I..." He seems to hesitate, and you swallow harshly. He was so close to you, lips just inches away from yours. One move from either of you and, surely, there goes your first kiss. But, you don't think you'd mind if it was with him. His brows scrunched together and he looked away from you for a moment. You looked up instead, staring up at the ceiling and trying to work everything out in your head.

Two months ago.

"Geez, (Y/N), at this rate he's going to think you're his stalker, or something," Yeonjun grimaces.

"Don't say that, please," your head rested against the cold café tables, your head turned towards the window watching the foot traffic down University Avenue. "I'm worried it might be true," you silently cried. You sat up, cradling your drink close to you. "Yeonjun, let me explain to you the whole thing, okay?"

"I'm all ears, tell me about this boy you've been stalking," he grins.

"I'm not stalking him!" You argued.

"Okay, okay!" He raises his hands up.

"Anyway, we have the same physics class, is all. Lecture and discussion," you explained. "And there have been a few times we've accidentally made eye contact, but we usually look away as soon as it happens," you add on. "And maybe we've run into each other outside of physics here and there... and also made eye contact there, gosh, he's everywhere! I've run into him in the library, the food court, the parking lot, and maybe," you stop talking when someone enters the café, "oh god that's him," you duck your head, staring at your drink. Yeonjun cranes his neck to look behind him. "Way to be subtle, Jun!" You scold him.

"Ooh, he's cute, (Y/N)," Yeonjun teases. "No wonder you're constantly looking for him," he continues.

"Oh quit it," you pressed your lips together. You sat up again and, your worst fear. Instead of looking right at Yeonjun, as you'd planned to do, instead you turned your head and, like a fucking idiot, made eye contact with the boy from physics once again.

Except, this time, he rose his hand up, offering a small wave and a smile. You weren't expecting him to actually acknowledge you this time, and you had to admit that there was something awkwardly charming about him. You don't think you've ever felt this way. You could feel your heart thrum in your chest, the song that played on the café speakers, Lover to be specific, seemed to be louder, and you prayed that no one could tell how hot your face had gotten. It was like you were frozen in time, you really wanted to make this next move count, what if he felt the same way about you? A complete stranger from physics class? You ended up just smiling and waving back too. Then, Yeonjun gagged, breaking the fantasy.

"Oh my god, just go talk to him!" Yeonjun nudges his head toward the stranger.

"No way! Are you kidding me!" You groaned. "God, I was just about to order another drink too."

"Just use the app."

"You are so smart," you snapped your fingers and did just as he said. A quick glance to the counter and you noticed that the guy from physics had disappeared.

"Lucky, you are, having someone like that in your classes," Yeonjun pouts. "Maybe if I had classmates that good looking I'd actually go to lecture."

"And maybe then you wouldn't be flunking literature," you teased. You looked over to the handsome stranger again, who was now leaning against the counter and waiting for his drink. "God, it's been this way all semester but... I think that's the first time we actually acknowledged each other," you mumbled. You heard a camera shutter and you whipped your head toward Yeonjun, who was pointing his phone toward you. He turns it over and slides it to you.

"You should see the way you look right now," he chuckles. The best way to describe the way you looked was a lovestruck fool, but not the romantic kind, the sort of playground 6-year-old kind.

"Ugh," you hide your face in your hands. "He's never going to talk to me. And I'm never going to talk to him, yup, nope, this is how this will end up," you waved your hands in front of you.

"Mobile Order for (Y/N)! Order for Soobin!" The barista calls out.

"I'll be right back," you trudged out of your seat. You reached for your drink, and your hand collided with someone else's. "Oh, sorry about..." you look up, "that..." your jaw hung slightly open and the person next to you was the same.

"Uh..." he gulps and turns away first. "Which one is the macchiato?" He asks the barista. The two cups looked identical next to each other, and, for whatever reason, neither of them had names written on them.

"They're both macchiatos," she answers.

"Which one only has two pumps of caramel?" You ask next.

"They both do."

"Which one-"

"They're the same, you both ordered the same thing so we made it at the same time, just grab whichever one you want," the barista cuts in.

"Oh, well, in that case," you take one of the cups. "Sorry about that again," you apologized.

"No worries, I'm just surprised someone had the same coffee order as me," he says.

"Caramel macchiato, hot, with two pumps of vanilla, an extra shot of espresso, low sugar, and cinnamon on top," you both recite. You shut your mouth and he smiles.

"Well, it's nice to officially meet you then, (Y/N), right?" He tilts his head.

"Yeah... and you're..." Crap, did you already forget? "Soobin, yeah?" Please be correct.

"That's me," he smiles even wider this time. "Hey, we seem to run into each other a lot, huh?" He asks.

"We do! We have the same physics class," you answer.

"Professor Ahn is too harsh with his grades," Soobin shakes his head. "How'd you feel about the midterm?"

"I'd rather not think about it, the only thing I remember from it is that none of the right-hand-rule was on it," your shoulders slumped and he chuckles.

"Well, if it helps, I'm not too bad at physics, we should study together sometime," he offers.

"I'd like that a lot, actually," your eyes lit up. Your grade would certainly thank you. You weren't horrible at physics, but you could benefit from some extra studying.

"That's great, then we should-"

"(Y/N)! What's taking so long? We have a project to finish!" Yeonjun calls, you look behind Soobin, who follows your gaze and Yeonjun gasps softly.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to keep you from your boyfriend," Soobin rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Oh, we're not dating, Yeonjun's just a classmate of mine in genetics," you explained. "But, he's right, we have a project due at five, so I'll be seeing you around," you smile.

"See you," Soobin waves goodbye and walks off. You, meanwhile, slide back into the booth.

"Look at you go, just five minutes ago you said you'd never speak to him."

"Yeah, I think we're going to study together from now on too," you rest your head against your palm. Then, your eyes widened with realization. "Oh shit," you groaned.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I didn't get his number!"

"Are you joking?!"

"You're the one who interrupted!"

"Oh, did I? Sorry," Yeonjun chuckles.

"Ugh..."

"Well, since you two constantly run into each other, just get his number then."

"It's not that easy, Jun! There was a flow there, everything was just making sense, you know? How am I supposed to even ask for his number? Huh?"

"Hey, I didn't catch your number last time, can we exchange it now?" He responds with a straight expression.

"It's not that easy!"

"I just said it!"

"You are insufferable," you sighed.

"Give me a minute," Yeonjun looks at his phone, rapidly tapping away on his screen. "Found him," he hands you his phone and, sure enough, it was open to Soobin's Instagram.

"How did you find him so fast," you scrolled through it. Not many pictures of him, surprisingly, more of scenery and other people.

"Never underestimate the skills of a technophile," he shrugs. "Shoot him a message, tell him you have mutuals or something if he asks," Yeonjun returns his focus back to his laptop screen. You, meanwhile, pull your phone out and follow the account.

It was a simple message, you think, a quick 'hey! i didn't get your number, but looks like we had mutuals! i hope you don't mind the sudden message' on your part. Then, a few minutes later, a response from him.

'I don't mind at all! How's your schedule? I'm free Tuesdays and Thursdays.'

Tuesdays and Thursdays? That's perfect! You shot a text back and set the stage for the remainder of the semester.

But nothing could have prepared you for that first Tuesday.

Only a week after you'd both finally been properly acquainted, you were sitting in one of the smaller study rooms in the library. Your headphones hung around your neck, your pen had been tucked behind your ear, and the laptop screen in front of you shone brightly. You'd been going back and forth with the assignment in front of you for the past ten minutes, having tried every single equation you could find in your notes and converting between units, the whole thing nearly drove you to insanity.

Until you finally heard the door open.

You looked up and Soobin walked in, shaking the rain from his hair and panting quietly.

"Sorry, I'm late! It started raining out of nowhere," he says quickly, dropping a plastic bag on one of the chairs and his backpack on top of it. "Spring showers," he sighs. "I didn't keep you waiting long, right?" He asks. You didn't answer for a short while, your eyes drifting to every part of the room except to him. Rainwater dripped from his hair to his neck, the droplets being taunting enough already, how could someone look this handsome after being rained on? If you were unlucky enough to have forgotten your umbrella, you were sure that even a drunken sailor wouldn't be able to see you as a beautiful mermaid, rather a sea witch. The rain had long drenched his shirt, the material clinging tightly onto his torso and all that combined with that worried look on his face?

Yeonjun would've laughed out loud by now.

"It's, it's alright," you waved your hand in front of you, staring at your laptop screen instead. "I know it's not a lot, but I have some tissues if you want to use them?" Your hands were already in your backpack, ready to pull out the small pack.

"I'd appreciate that a lot, actually!" He smiles.

Oh, heart, are you still there? You handed him the small pack and he wipes the larger drops of water from his face.

"Working on the homework?" He asks. Well, to be honest, you would say that the homework was working on you because you couldn't for the life of you understand why the torque equation wasn't working on the torque problem.

"Yeah, I've been stuck on this ches... tion... I've been stuck on this question," you corrected yourself, hoping he didn't catch your mistake. He didn't seem to, being more focused on drying off his arms than anything else.

Pull yourself together why are you being weird?!

You turned your screen around, opting to stare at the back of your laptop. Soobin reaches over toward you and you stop breathing. Then you watch your scratch paper slide over towards him and he looks over your work. His cheeks were tinted pink and his lips pressed together while he tried to follow your thought process. With eyes chasing down the messy pencil scribbles, you could feel your face heating up again.

"I'm going to go grab some water downstairs, do you want some?" You ask suddenly. He looks over to you, eyes slightly larger and cheeks slightly pinker. "You know... I think I'll grab you some tea, you're a bit red."

"Oh, am I?" His hand moves up to his cheek, pushing up his glasses slightly from the movement, and his other hand to his phone to look at himself on the screen's reflection.

"Yes, I'll be right back," you slipped out of the room, holding your face in your hands. What was that? What happened? You rushed over to the vending machines downstairs, buying a water bottle and chugging half of it before turning to the coffee machine. You ran the hot water and crossed your arms.

"Gosh, what's he thinking running in there looking like that?" You whispered, bouncing your forehead lightly on the coffee machine. "Pull yourself together, (Y/N), you literally just met him and you're acting like this," you groaned. The machine sounded a quiet ding, signaling that it was complete, and you drop the tea infuser inside of it, placing a lid on top as you returned to the study room. "Soobin?" When you said his name he turned to look up at you and, again, his cheeks tinted pink. A small smile formed on his lips and you felt an arrow pierce your heart. "Here, have some of this," you placed the small cup in front of him, trying to shake off the feeling as fast as you could.

"Thank you so much, you didn't have to," he holds the cup in one of his hands and reaches into his bag with the other. As you took your seat, he pulled out his wallet.

"Oh, no! No, it's fine!" You told him.

"Are you sure?" There he goes again, the way his eyebrows were furrowed together with his lips in a skeptical pout, it took everything in you to hold it together.

"I'm sure, don't worry about it, anyone would have done the same," you muttered, taking your seat parallel to him instead.

"Is that so?" He turns back to his laptop, popping the lid off of the cup with one hand.

That was kind of hot. Your eyes slowly moved from that action back to the assignment in front of you.

"I think I found out your problem, by the way," Soobin sips some of the tea and slides your work back to you. On the side in the margins are annotations in blue ink. His handwriting was noticeably nicer compared to yours, or at the very least within the lines of the graph paper. "Try using this equation instead, you can derive it with other Pythagorean identites to use tangent instead of sine." He explains this as he taps the equation with the tip of his pen. You skimmed the other notes he had on the page, namely the work leading up to the new equation.

"Oh! I get what you're saying," you nodded and rewrote the equation with your given terms. Talk about physics whiz, did he really need help studying too? "If you need any help with anything too, let me know so we can work it out together," you said.

"Actually, if I'm being honest, can we talk a little about thermodynamics? It's probably the one thing I can't understand right now."

"Yeah! Let's go over it! I'm not the best at it either, so maybe two heads are better than one!" You flipped to the appropriate chapter and, soon, it was like you'd both been talking since the first day of class. The conversation flew so easily that you didn't think much of it and you weren't as distracted as before. Who knew that studying with a partner made one more productive? Before you knew it, your physics assignments had been long turned in and the whiteboard next to you was littered with several practice problems.

Then, you heard a knock at the door. It opened slowly and another student stuck their head in.

"Hello! I have the room reserved for seven," he explains. You and Soobin check the time and, sure enough, it was 7:05.

"Sorry about that! I didn't realize how long we've been in here!" You quickly packed your things and you were both out in an instant, walking past the next group of students.

"So, same time next week?" Soobin asks as soon as you were out of the library. You turned to him.

"Sorry?" You didn't quite catch that.

"I mean, I'm free if you are, and I heard that electrodynamics is even harder than thermo so..." he trails off into a whistle.

"I should be available, yeah," you confirmed. "Same time next week, I'll see you then!"

"Get home safe! My apartment's over on that side," he points the opposite direction to you and you nodded, waving goodbye as he walked off.

Then came the next week, he was waiting in the same room and was already well set up, he had a wide smile on his face when you walked in. Then came the week after that, and that time you were the first to arrive. The week after that, you both met at a different room since someone beat you to your usual room. A week after that you both decided to try studying at a café and then subsequently decided to try studying at every café that was a reasonable distance from campus. Soon, your once-a-week study sessions became more frequent, partly because of your café endeavors, and another part being for finals. Needless to say, you and Soobin were basically making up for lost time spent wondering if the other should say 'hi' or not.

Then came that traumatizing time. Finals, forever the bane of your existence and the cause of your stress.

And in exactly one day you'd have to deal with the one you were dreading the most... physics.

"Come on, (Y/N)! I know you're on the verge of testing the gravitational laws yourself, but that's exactly why you need to come with me!" Somi exclaims.

"No way! You just want me to be your ride home, huh?" You pushed back on your rolled chair and crossed your arms.

"Not... not entirely true," she says quietly. "But you need to relax!" She groans and turns to your closet. She starts digging through the piles of clothes. "Geez, (Y/N), do you not have a single party outfit in here?" She covers her mouth in shock. "Hold on, I'll be back," she marches off and you sigh before turning back around to continue your review. The numbers started to mold together and shapes started to become nonsensical. Suddenly, two hands grabbed both of your shoulders, and you were wheeled off toward Somi's room across the hall with a loud yelp.

"Somi! I have to study!"

"That's nice, (Y/N)," she pushes you into her room and closes the door. "Clothes are on my bed! Yangyang! Bring over the tequila, we're pregaming," Somi announces.

"Huh?" Yangyang pulls his headphones off.

"Alcohol!" She repeats. Yangyang scrunches his eyebrows before pulling open the bottom desk drawer and pulling out the entire bottle.

"Why are we drinking?" Seungmin pokes his head into the hallway.

"We're all going to Yeonjun's party!" She announces.

"Who's we?!" Seungmin exclaims. "I have a twenty-page paper due tomorrow!"

"I'm playing ranked, hold on," Yangyang announces.

"Ugh, fuck, you're all clueless! Physics Guy is going to be there!" Somi shouts. Just as you'd finished putting on whatever Somi had laid out for you, you could've sworn you heard multiple things crash against the floor. You opened the door slowly and all three of your roommates stood in front of you.

"Yeonjun invited Soobin?! That asshole I knew he'd pull something like that!" You groaned.

"Yeah, yeah, now's your chance, (Y/N)," Somi insists.

"And I'm DDing," Seungmin says, handing you a shot glass. "Take it, you need it."

"No, it's fine-"

"Not to peer pressure you, (Y/N), but if I have to hear one more minute of you talking about Physics Guy I will lose my mind. Drink, confess, and, I don't know, get laid?" Yangyang exclaims.

"You're horrible," you shook your head but, after tapping your glass against Somi's, took the shot.

"That's how it's done! Let's go!" Somi laughs and runs behind the three of you, promptly pushing you out the door and, as you'd soon realize, straight to your demise.

As soon as the four of you had entered, you'd somehow each had a shot glass in hand. The party was already in full swing with Yeonjun nowhere to be seen and a sea of faces you'd never seen before. An attempt to put one glass down resulted in another appearing in your hand almost like magic. One shot became two, which became four, and you lost count at one point. The other two had run off somewhere, leaving you behind with Seungmin. Sure, you were definitely buzzed, but nowhere near drunk yet. But, now this was new, someone somehow blasted the AC in the whole house.

"Hey, pace yourself, (Y/N)," Seungmin slides a bottle of water towards you.

"I'm good, just getting a little dizzy," you muttered.

"Fuck, it's cold," Yangyang pushed past the both of you and disappeared into a room. But you had to agree with him, you were fucking freezing.

"Did Yangyang just walk into the stoner room?" You glanced around the room before grabbing the closest hoodie to you and pulling it on.

"Oh, hell, he's definitely out of it," Seungmin hid his face in his hands for a moment. He looks at you and his face grows even more concerned. "And where did you get that?"

"I just found it."

"You're all hopeless, okay, no more drinks for you, (Y/N). I'm going to go drag Yangyang out of there. Please don't do anything rash while I'm gone, okay?" And he was running after Yangyang before you could say anything else. You shoved your hands in the hoodie's pocket and fished out the phone inside of it. You tapped on the screen and the bright light nearly took you out. Whoever's phone this was, you had to admit you were jealous of their picture-taking skills, the sunset lock screen was pleasing to look at. Putting the phone away, you opted to wait patiently for Seungmin to return. The lights started to dance around you and whatever was on the playlist soon drowned under their own bass lines. The buzz you originally felt began to take it's toll on you, and you could feel your eyes growing heavier all the while your other senses started dulling. You couldn't hear your own thoughts so, slowly, you made your way toward what looked like a quieter hallway.

People pushed past you left and right. Couples rushed to rooms and the faint sound of someone throwing up had to have come from the bathroom next to you. Then, salvation. An open door beckoned you to enter, and so you did. You leaned back on the door to close it behind you and you let out a sigh of relief. The room was like a world separate from the party behind you.

You made your way to the chair over at the corner of the room, slumping down on it and holding your head between your hands. Then, you laughed to yourself. If you'd stayed back at the apartment today then you'd be in this exact position except sober. The door behind you opened suddenly and shut, but you couldn't be bothered to check yet.

"Hmm?" Someone hummed behind to you and curiosity got the better of you. You turned quickly, an action you immediately regretted when the walls started to bounce across your vision. But, even with the fuzz at the outlines of your sight, you could clearly see that it was Soobin who'd stumbled in. Talk about coincidence.

"Sorry, I didn't know someone claimed the room already," Soobin says. His hand tried to grasp at the door handle but, to no avail, he just slumped onto the ground instead. "Give me a couple of minutes and I'll leave, promise," his words slurred together.

"Soobin?" You stumbled his way to him, just barely pushing the chair of the desk back in and nearly tipping the whole thing over if anything. "Hey, the floor's cold, get up here," you offer a hand to him and he took it. You pulled Soobin up and, in a heavily miscalculated move, ended up falling on the bed while dragging him with you. "Oh! Sorry, I'm sorry!" You scrambled away from him, only stopping when your head collided with the headboard. "Ugh," you winced and your head fell against the pillow. You shut your eyes tightly while waiting for your head to stop spinning.

"Are you okay?" Soobin asks, his voice somewhat closer.

"Yeah, I'm..." You opened one eye and your breath caught in your throat. "Fine..." you couldn't breathe. Maybe it was the way the LED's lining the ceilings suddenly turned into a warm orange, maybe it was the way the heat increased between you, or maybe it was the way you'd just realized that the guy you'd been crushing on all semester was hovering just above you, but you could comfortably say that you felt some kind of excitement when you thought about what could happen next.

Leading you to now.

You looked down from the ceiling and he looked back at you. The look in his eyes was intense and his lips were pressed together. Then, suddenly, his glasses slipped off the bridge of his nose and landed against your face. And you smiled, and he smiled. A tired laugh came from him, and you couldn't help but laugh too. You pushed his glasses back on his face. Next thing you knew, he falls on you, nuzzling his face into your neck and wrapping his arms under your waist, pulling you off of the mattress slightly. His laughs were soft against you and your own head nuzzled against his.

"This is nice," you whispered.

"Hug-a-boo," he mumbles.

"What did you say?" It was a genuine question.

"I once read somewhere that hugs make everyone feel better," he says, his words muffled by the hoodie, but still understandable.

"I guess I feel a little better now," your head was still throbbing.

"That's good," he says. "Could I have my hoodie back? It's cold," he hugs you tighter.

"Oh, yeah, I didn't know it was yours," you sit up and Soobin sits in front of you. You grabbed the hem of the hoodie and, when you'd finally pulled it over your head, you and Soobin found yourselves deep into a drunk staring contest, one that you won. "I win!" You grinned.

"No fair, you're cheating," Soobin shakes his head while he hugs his hoodie to his chest.

"Cheating? How?"

"You're too... too..." his words trail off. "I'm too drunk to answer that," he waves his hands in front of you.

"No, no, not true. Now you have to tell me," you insisted.

"No, I can't, you'll laugh."

"I won't."

"You will."

"Try me," you gesture for him to continue. Still, he's silent. But you could see the gears turning in his head. Instead of answering, he leans down and hugs you again, his ear pressed against your chest and you were back on the pillow again.

"I can't say it when I look at you, I'll be too embarrassed, so I'll do this instead," he says. "I really really want to kiss you right now," he mumbles. Well that's one way to get you to start sobering up. "But, I can't do that," he shakes his head against you. "Because I won't remember it, and I want to remember it, every second of it," his words slow.

"Soobin." No answer. Instead, you heard his breathing start to even out. "Soobin?" Your hand moved up to his head and you pulled at the strands lightly. Soobin pulled away from you and you found yourself in the same position you'd found yourself in earlier.

You're drunk enough.

"Let's do it then," you nodded.

"But-"

"We're both drunk. We probably won't remember it tomorrow."

"I don't think-"

"We won't count it." Soobin is silent. Your hands reached up to hold his face and you lifted your head just enough to press your lips against his. That kiss was pretty one-sided actually. You pulled away just enough to look at the shocked look in his eyes. Or was it surprise? You couldn't tell. Before you could say anything more, Soobin pressed forward, pushing you back down on the bed, and kissed you. One hand moved up to the back of his neck and you pulled him closer toward you, meanwhile one of his hands caressed your face while the other supported him over you. He only stopped the kiss long enough for both of you to catch your breath before pulling his glasses off and kissing you again, this time a little messier than the last. You could still taste the alcohol on his lips as much as you could feel the warmth from his face against yours. You didn't know when you found the chance to take his shirt off but you realized how real this was getting when he pulled yours off between kisses.

Again, he pushed himself off of you, and the tension between you and him was nearly overbearing. Wordlessly, he pushed his hoodie against your chest. Then, he fell on the bedside next to you and pulled you into a hug. You felt your back press against his chest.

"Hug-a-boo!" He exclaims.

"Ah!" The sheer volume of it was enough to shock you. "Wait... oh I get it now! It's like peek-a-boo!"

"Mmhmm," he nods against your head. "Those don't count, okay?"

"Hm?"

"I told you already... I want to remember every part of our first," he yawns.

"Okay, me too," you agreed, yawning after that statement. You couldn't think of much else to say. Whatever you needed to explain was for the sober you of tomorrow to worry about. Instead, you turned around in Soobin's hold and wrapped your arms around his neck. "Hug-a-boo!" You smiled.

"Wah! You got me!" Soobin jumped slightly and he squeezed you too tightly for just a moment, causing you to laugh. You felt the low rumbles of his own laughter from his chest and you sighed, finally letting the tiredness catch up to you.

Bonus:

"So? What did you do when you woke up?" Yeonjun shakes the iced coffee in his hand.

"Well... we... uh..." you started drinking your caramel macchiato to avoid the question. Yeonjun rolled his eyes.

"Soobin?" He targets the boy next to you. Who whistles and looks out the window instead.

"Hopeless. Both of you. After all the work I put into getting you two together," Yeonjun obnoxiously drinks his coffee now.

"All you did was host a party," you shot back.

"All?!" Yeonjun was offended. "After risking my life prying a hoodie off of drunk Soobin, freezing my ass off blasting the AC, and leaving the party to control the mood lights, this is the thanks I get?" Yeonjun exclaims melodramatically.

"That was you?!" You and Soobin gasped.

"Of course it was!" Yeonjun exasperates. "Forget it, as long as you two are at least talking now." Yeonjun waves his hand and goes on his phone. Soobin squeezes your hand under the table, shooting you an unsure glance. You responded by squeezing his hand too, both yours and his smiles hidden by the lids of your coffees.

General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms

Hug-a-Boo Tag List: @sungbeam

#tomorrow x together #txt #tomorrow x together x reader #txt x reader #tomorrow x together x you #txt x you #tomorrow x together x yn #txt x yn #soobin x reader #soobin x you #soobin x yn #my writings #txt fluff #soobin fluff #hug-a-boo #tomorrow x together fluff #txt fics #tomorrow x together fics

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likeahorribledream · 4 years ago

Note

okay I send a mini request?

Can it be please like in a new relationship with Bucky Barnes (like when the reader & him first start to date?) and she notices how touched starved he is - and maybe when she goes to touch him (in a non sexual way, like maybe she goes to take his hand or rubs his back??) he flinches at first? But soon realises that not everyone who touches him is gonna hurt him? 🥺 thats just what I’m thinking about this afternoon 😭

I hope this inspired something! Hope you have a lovely weekend :)

Thank you so much for requesting this. I loved the idea so much. It's a little different from what you suggested but I hope you still like it!

Missing Piece

Part Two

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: Not beta read, a whole lot of fluff, talks of anxiety and anxiety attack but it doesn't go into details.

This is my first request ever and I hope I did good. Feel free to send me more requests, I had so much fun writing this.

When Steve first mentioned that Bucky would soon join them at the new house, everybody got a little wiry. The Winter Soldier’s reputation preceded him everywhere he went, his past was far from being a secret, whether you were an avenger or not.

You had gotten pretty close to Steve after you joined the team. Everyone had welcomed you with open arms and you had nothing to complain about, but Steve always went the extra mile. When you first moved in, he always made sure you were included in their group activities, if no one wanted to train with you he would always volunteer quickly so you wouldn’t feel like an outsider. The team had been together for a very long time before your arrival and it was never easy to let anyone in and to trust them, especially in life or death situations.

Steve had even made sure that your room was on the same floor as his so you’d know you always had someone you trusted around. He treated you like his baby sister and you loved it. He told you all about his life pre-serum and post-serum, telling you everything about his history with Bucky, never calling him once by the name Hydra had given him. You had heard so much about Bucky that you felt like you already knew him. You got excited when Steve told everyone he was going to join the team, from all the stories you had heard from Steve, he was definitely someone you wanted to have watching your back and to have as a friend.

Steve walked in first to make sure that not everyone was waiting for them, like he had asked, as to not overwhelm Bucky as soon as he stepped inside. No one was really looking forward to meeting him, anyway. When he saw that the coast was clear, he gestured for Bucky to come in.

You had been reading in the other room, close to the front door, when you heard the door open, some shuffling and the door close. You stood up from the couch, securing your bookmark in between two pages before closing your book and holding it close to your chest as you walked over, grinning at Steve.

‘’You’re back!!’’

You looked around, not seeing Bucky anywhere. You frowned. You took a few steps towards Steve to hug him and that’s when you saw him, standing behind his best friend. Almost hiding.

You gave your friend a big hug before smiling at Bucky.

‘’Hi.’’

Bucky nodded towards you, not saying a word and avoiding eye contact. He looked at the book you were holding and focused on it instead of you. You kept your eyes on him for a few moments, looking at his face and how exhausted he looked. Not only physically but emotionally and mentally. You wanted to hug him so badly, tell him that he’s finally safe but you didn’t. You knew it would take some time before Bucky warmed up to you, and you were willing to wait.

After that day, you weren’t hanging out with Steve as much as you used to do. You didn’t want to force his best friend to be around you, and Steve was the only person he knew and trusted so of course they were always together. You spent most of your days training at the gym or reading in your room, leaving the door open almost hoping someone would come over and talk to you but without Steve, you were always alone.

You were surprised when one day, as you were reading yet again, Steve knocked on your door before walking in, Bucky following right behind him. The soldier gave you a small nod before walking over to your book shelf and looking at every book you owned. Making a mental list of the ones he would to borrow one day.

Steve sat down next to you on your bed and wrapped his right arm around your shoulders, hugging you.

‘’Hi.’’ He grinned down at you.

‘’Hey, stranger.’’ You smiled, hugging him back.

He held you close to his chest, your head on his shoulder as you played with his fingers.

You were a very anxious person, always worrying about something or overthinking situations that happened long ago or could happen in the future, near or far. Steve picked up on it really quickly after meeting you. He did some research on anxiety and read somewhere that hugging anxious people helped calm them down, if they were ok with being touched. The next time he saw you, he told you everything he had learned about the subject. It touched you that someone had taken the time to look up ways to help you and to better understand you. You told him that you had read the same thing but you didn’t know if it worked with you because no one ever hugged you.

The next time he saw you getting anxious, he walked slowly towards you and held his arms open, giving you the choice whether you wanted to be touched or not at this moment. You didn’t hesitate before walking into his opened arms, wrapping your own around his torso and closing your eyes, resting your head on his chest. He hugged you so tightly, it was almost difficult to breathe but for some reason it only made you feel safer. From that moment on, he was always hugging you or holding your hands to ground you. The heroes living with them had gotten used to it but Bucky was surprised when he turned around to see you all over each other.

He noticed how relaxed you both looked, how at peace you seemed to be and he almost asked you to hug him in the same way but instead looked away, staring out the window. The thought of you touching him made his heart flutter while terrifying him at the same time. When strangers touch him, it never ends well for Bucky. Afterthe super soldiers left your room that night, Bucky asked Steve if you were his girlfriend and when Steve said no, he asked why he was holding you as ifyou were, that’s when he told him about your anxiety and that it was one of the ways he had found to ground you toreality when your mind started to go into the big, black hole that made you lose touch with your rationality.

Bucky spent the entire night reading about it on the internet, a tool he had found useful ever since he had ran away from Hydra, surprised to see that there were actual scientific researches about the whole thing. He thought about all the nights he had spent awake and terrified to go to sleep because of the things he would see once he closed his eyes, wondering if he had someone to hug would make him feel better. If he had you to hug. Without even knowing why, he realized that he had never craved someone’s touch more than he did yours. Maybe together you could help the other one heal but first he had to get over his fear of people touching him.

He decided to start small. Steve had told him multiple times that you weren’t scared of him but he wasn’t completely convinced, he was careful to not give you any reason to actually fear him.

Bucky joined yours and Steve’s conversations more often, not talking much but still participating. The first time you heard him laugh at something Steve had said, you thought your heart was literally going to melt in your chest. His eyes had lit up, the little creases around his eyes deepened and you swore in this moment you’d do anything to hear him laugh again.

After a while, you started to notice that Bucky was opening up to you more every day. You were happy about it; and scared you might do something wrong and make him shut you out like he did the rest of the people living with you.

A few weeks later, he started seeking you out on his own. Steve was gone on a mission for Fury, Bucky panicked, it’ll be the first time Steve would leave him on his own since he was brought to the house. Steve had told him that he’ll be okay, he wasn’t really alone. You were there, he could trust you. Then, it dawned on him. He was finally be able to spend time alone with you, without having to ask Steve and explain why he wanted to be alone with you. Panic was quickly replaced by excitement.

You were in your room, sitting at your desk for once, looking at videos Steve had been sending you during his flight. You rolled your eyes every time you received a new link. The poor man thought he had just discovered all the hidden gems of the internet and you didn’t have the heart to tell him these videos had been going around for years. You were about to write back to him when you heard a small knock on your opened door. You almost jumped at the sound, no one ever came around when Steve was gone, you weren’t expecting anyone. You turned around in your chair and couldn’t stop the grin that spread on your face.

‘’Come in, James. You don’t need to knock.’’ You waved for him to come in.

His knees almost buckled under his weight every time you said his name. He had always hated it when people called him James but when you do, it had such an effect on him that he was sure he’d be ready to do anything for you as long as you kept calling him James. He cursed at himself in his head, he used to be so smooth. One tiny smirk and girls would line up to go out with him. He always knew what to say, how to make the girls blush. Now here he was, not being able to make a sound while blushing, just because you smiled at him and called him by his name.

He cleared his throat before talking, not trusting his voice after his little moment of weakness. He gave you a small smile and pointed his thumb over his shoulder, at your book shelf.

‘’I was- I was wondering if I could maybe borrow a book? I promise I’ll bring it back. It can be anything.. even if there’s some pages missing or somethin’..’’ He bit his lower lip to shut himself up, rambling too much for his own taste. You don’t think you had heard him say that many words in a row before and you tried to ignore the little butterflies that erupted in your stomach, all just from hearing the sound of his voice.

You brought a hand to your chest, pretending to be offended. Bucky opened his eyes wide when he saw your expression and cursed at himself, once again. Of course you wouldn’t want to lend him anything, he thought. It was stupid of him to even ask. Why would you trust him with anything? After everything he’s done, he’s surprised you even felt comfortable having him in your room.

‘’You think that I-’’ You paused dramatically. ‘’I have books with pages missing? Mr. Barnes.’’ You shook your head before continuing. ‘’I thought you knew me better than this.’’

He looked at you for a few seconds before laughing. It was definitely not the answer he was expecting. He was full on laughing, like he had done with Steve a few days ago, and you were glad you were still sitting because your knees went weak, once again, at the sound.

You.

You had made Bucky Barnes laugh.

‘’Sorry doll, won’t make that mistake again.’’ He told you once he had stopped laughing.

You definitely needed to stay on the chair, your legs couldn’t be trusted around him, the new nickname having the same effect on you as his laugh.

Your cheeks felt hot as a bright pink crept up on your neck, all the way to your ears. Bucky noticed the sudden change of color on your face but didn’t say anything about it. He caught himself thinking about how soft your skin looked and about how much he wanted to brush his fingers on your cheeks.

‘’You can take whichever book you want, just not the one on my nightstand because I’m reading it.’’ You smiled.

It took Bucky about 5 minutes before finally picking a book. Well, actually it had taken him one minute to decide and 4 minutes to try to find an excuse to try and stay with you longer but he couldn’t think of anything. He grabbed the book and turned around, facing you to thank you and started walking out when you called out to him.

‘’Actually, I’d feel better if you read the book in my room. You talking about book missing pages worries me a little.’’ You teased, hoping he would stay with you.

He chuckled and walked back inside, holding both his hands up in surrender, one of them still holding the book. His heart started to beat faster at the simple thought of you wanting him around.

‘’Fair enough.’’ He smiled.

You pointed to the bean bag chair sitting in the corner, close to the book shelf and then to your bed.

‘’You can either sit there or on my bed.’’ Her eyes lit up and he recognized that look. He had seen it hundreds of times on Steve. That’s the look that came before he made a joke about him. ‘’Although, you might be too old to sit in a bean bag chair.’’ You stood up, pretending to look for the tag that had the warnings on it. ‘’How old are you? I think this if for child over 4 and adults under 70.’’

There it is. You had definitely been spending too much time with Steve, he thought before sticking his tongue out at you.

‘’My knees are probably in a better shape than yours.’’ He teased back before sitting on your bed, his back against the headboard.

You chuckled. ‘’Oh, most definitely.’’

You spent the entire day in your room reading while sitting next to Bucky on your bed. Never touching him, but being close enough that you could feel his warmth.

He couldn’t focus on the book at all, his thoughts always going back to how close you were sitting and how if he juststretchedhis hand out a tiny bit, he’d be able to hold your hand or wondering how it would feel to have you all snuggled up against his chest. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t feel you moving your hand towardshis arm. You wanted to read to himsomething in your book that you thoughthe would love and without thinking you reached out to him to get his attention. Before you could even touch him, Bucky flinched so hard you thought he was going to fall off the bed. You brought your hand back to your body, holding it close to your chest.

‘’Bucky, I’m so sorry. I- I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.’’

Tears started to blur your vision. You felt bad for not thinking before acting, you were scared that you had crossed a line and that he wouldn’t want to be around you and a small part of you felt sad that he didn’t want you touching him. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, so the tears wouldn’t fall. You weren’t about to cry in front of Bucky when he was the one that needed comforting.

‘’It’s okay.’’ He reassured you but it wasn’t okay. He was mad at himself for reacting in the way he did, when literally just seconds before all he could think about was feeling your skin against his own.

After what your refer to in your head as ‘’the incident’’, you were very careful to avoid any physical contact with Bucky. Every time you could feel him or his body temperature, you would take a few steps in the opposite direction to put some distance between the two of you.

Something Steve noticed the few days after he had came back from his mission. Bucky seemed almost sad and you well, guilt was clearly eating at you. Steve could tell something had changed while he was away but he didn’t know what. He didn’t ask questions, you would tell him in your own time.

It had been a week since Steve had gotten back from his latest mission and he decided that a movie night was very much needed. He told everyone to be in the living room at 8pm sharp and that everyone had to wear their best Pjs.

‘’Yes Bucky that also includes you.’’ He added before his best friend had even opened his mouth to ask the question. He mumbled something under his breath, something only the other super soldier could hear. Whatever was said, it made Steve roll his eyes and chuckle to himself.

You ate dinner in your room, something that happened quite often, and decided to watch a few episodes of your favorite show while you finished dinner. You completely lost track of time, until FRIDAY’s voice echoed in your room.

‘’Captain Rogers would like to know if, and I quote, you had any intention on joining them in this lifetime?’’

You looked at the clock and cursed, running to the living room. Everyone was already sitting down and were waiting for you. You whispered a small ‘’sorry’’ before looking around to find an empty seat. There was one. Next to Bucky. You felt a little bit of anger towards your teammates for not wanting to sit next to him, it had been over a month since he had moved in, it was time they started warming up to him.

Little did you know that the empty spot next to Bucky had been left empty on purpose. He had been one of the firsts in the living room, he wanted to sit on the small sofa and to not be piled up on the big couch with everyone else. Every time someone had tried sitting down next to him, he glared at them until they sat somewhere else. Even Steve.

Tony almost warned you to not sit next to Bucky, that he didn’t want anyone sitting next to him but stopped himself as you sat down. Everyone was surprised that Bucky hadn’t glared at you, if they looked close enough they could almost see him smiling at you. A light bulb went off in Steve’s head and he smirked, understanding what was happening.

You were nervous to be sitting this close to Bucky, there was absolutely no space for you to move. You tried to stay as still as you possibly could to make sure you weren’t going to touch him by accident.

Bucky was looking at the screen but he wasn’t watching the movie. He noticed how you tried not to move but all he wanted was for you to be close to him, a lot closer than you were right now. He was racking his brain, trying to find a way to let you know what he wanted without having to actually say it out loud. He looked down at your hand that was laying flat on your thigh. The Avengers were way too engrossed in the movie to notice if he decided to reach over to you and held your hand.

He missed his old life. He missed his old self, the man he was wouldn’t be nervous at the idea of holding your hand. Hell, the old Bucky would probably be all over you; holding your hand, hugging you, kissing your cheeks and playing with your hair while you had your head on his shoulder.

You were sitting in a weird position and your butt started to feel numb. You needed to move. Looking at Bucky from the corner of your eye, you took your hands away from your thighs so you could uncross your legs and stretch them. You had been so focus on his face that you never saw his hand that had almost reached yours before you knocked into it as you moved. That also meant you didn’t miss the way Bucky flinched and recoiled, moving moreto his side of the sofa. Your heart tightened in your chest, a selfish part of you was hoping that Bucky would trust you by now.

You stood up so fast that everyone’s attention was on you instead of the screen.

‘’I don’t feel like watching a movie, I’m going to bed.’’ You mumbled before storming out of the living room. Bucky clearly didn’t want you anywhere near him and he should be able to enjoy the movie without having you ruining his night. You were always hiding in your room anyway, no one would miss you.

Steve looked at Bucky as confusion could be read all over his face, he frowned and waited for Bucky to say something but he just shrugged and looked away. From the outside, Bucky looked like he wasn’t fazed but inside, he wanted to explode. He couldn’t believe it happened, again. He didn’t mean to flinch, and hurt your feelings in the process.

The blonde stood up and walked over to your room. He listened for a few seconds to see if you were sleeping and when he heard you moving around, he knocked gently.

‘’Toots?’’ He called out. Steve had called you that once and you had hated it, so of course Steve started using it all the time and you secretly started loving it.

You opened the door and smiled at Steve. ‘’What’s up?’’

‘’Wanna tell me what happened with Buck?’’

You sighed and stepped aside, letting him in and closing the door behind him. You sat down on your bed and shrugged.

‘’I don’t think Bucky likes me that much. I thought we were getting along fine but he keeps flinching whenever I touch him and I totally understand why, with everything that happened to him but I don’t know.’’ You sighed and looked down. ‘’He almost looks disgusted every time I touch him by accident.’’

Steve started laughing, almost uncontrollably, the kind of laugh that would be contagious if it didn’t feel like he was laughing at you. You raised an eyebrow, frowning. You crossed your arms over your chest, hurt.

‘’Are you laughing at me?’’ He stopped laughing almost instantly and he shook his head, walking over to you quickly and sat down besides you.

‘’No. No, absolutely not.’’ He grabbed your hands. ‘’It’s just that Bucky is nervous around you.’’

‘’But why? He looks fine around other people. Did I do something wrong? If I did something he should tell me so I don’t do it again.’’ You pleaded.

‘’I assure you, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the opposite. You’ve been nothing but sweet to him and he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He doesn’t think he deserves kindness, from anyone, especially not from you. He’s so used to have people turn on him, he’s expecting the same to happen with you. Not that you would turn on him, but y’know.’’ He squeezed your hands.

You nodded. Of course you knew. Bucky spent the last 70 years being manipulated and tortured by people who claimed they were on his side. You wish you could make him see and understand that he isn’t the Winter Soldier anymore, that what happened was out of his control and that he deserved kindness and love as much as any of them did.

‘’I can’t believe I made this about me.’’ You dropped your head in your hands. ‘’I’m sorry, Steve.’’

‘’Stop it, don’t feel bad. This isn’t a ‘’normal’’ situation. It’s totally understandable for you to be confused. I’ve known Bucky my whole life, I can read him like a book otherwise I’d probably feel the same way you do.’’

‘’I should probably go apologize to him.’’ You started getting up.

‘’Apologize for what? For having feelings and being confused as to how to act because it’s your first time being around a former brain-washed assassin? Toots, there’s nothing to apologize for. It’s human nature, I’m sure he’s not upset with you in any way.’’

He wrapped his hand around your wrist, making you sit back down on your bed. He was right.

There was a small knock at your door, so small you would have thought you had imagined it if it weren’t for Steve turning his head to look at the door.

‘’Come in.’’ You said, sitting back down on your bed.

The door slowly opened, Bucky was standing on the other side of it. He had a sad look on his face.

‘’Is this a bad time?’’ He asked hesitantly.

‘’Not at all.’’ Steve said while getting up. ‘’I was just about to leave. Good night toots.’’ He kissed the top of your head quickly and walked out, closing the door.

Neither of you talked for a long minute before Bucky finally moved and sat at the edge of your bed.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ He said, looking down.

You were surprised by his apology because he had absolutely nothing to apologize for. You moved on your bed, getting closer to him while still keeping some distance between the two of you.

‘’Sorry for what?’’ You sounded confused, and you were.

‘’For flinching.’’ He mumbled, embarrassed.

‘’Oh, James, no.’’ You wanted to comfort him so badly, there was this urge inside of you that screamed to try to take away all of his pain. Without even thinking, you raised one of your hands to his shoulder but stopped yourself before actually touching him.

‘’Don’t.’’ He pleaded, looking at you with pain in his eyes.

‘’I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.’’ You looked down.

‘’No. Don’t stop.’’

‘’Wh- What?’’ You looked up at him.

He didn’t know how to ask. He wanted you to touch him so badly, just to feel your skin on his but saying Please touch me would sound all kind of wrongs. He looked down at your hand and then looked backintoyour eyes, hoping you would understand.

Then something clicked in your mind.

‘’You-... You want me to...?’’ You trailed off, scared to finish your question. What if you’ve been reading this situation all wrong and pushed him even further away, but he nodded.

‘’Please, sweetheart.’’ He pressed, he almost sounded on the verge of begging and he would probably have felt embarrassed if he hadn’t needed you so badly.

‘’Are you sure?’’ You looked in his eyes, the answer written all over of his face. He was more than sure, he had been waiting for this almost since the moment he first saw you.

You raised your hand again and slowly moved it towards him, giving him every opportunity to stop you if he changed his mind. You first thought had been to put your hand on his shoulder, then you saw how he was looking at you and couldn’t stop yourself. Your fingertips gently brushed against his cheek, easing him into it. This time he didn’t flinch and you were so relieved, you could have almost cried.

You wanted to go slow, not wanting to scare him but the moment your fingers touched his skin, he leaned into your touch, nuzzling his cheek closer toyour palm. He closed his eyes and sighed, content. He looked beautiful and you felt like your heart was about to jump out of your chest, it was beating so fast.

You brushed your thumb softly across his cheek a few times and slowly started to let go of his face. His eyes snapped open and he grabbed your hand with his, a small whine rumbling in his chest. You took his hand and smiled.

‘’It’s okay.’’ You whispered, scared that if you spoke up; it would ruin the moment or worse, you would realize this was all a dream and you would wake up.

You let go of his hand, shuffling on your bed until your back was against the headboard. You moved around a little bit, sliding a little further down on the mattress so only your shoulders and head would be held up by the headboard and your back rested on your pillows. You wiggled your legs under the covers and smiled. You extended both arms towards him, making grabby hands and grinning.

He smiled before quickly moving towards you. You lifted the covers so he could get under them, and let them fall on his lower half once he had settled next to you. You let him snuggle against your side, almost halfof his body being on top of yours as he tried not to crush you under his weight. You watched him as he got comfortable. Now that he knew how you felt against his skin, he didn’t want to let go and he was going to be as clingy as you would allow him to be. He had spent over 70 years without being touched in a way that didn’t make his skin crawl, he had over 70 years worth of loving touches to catch up on. He had found someone who wasn't disgusted by who he was and what he had done. For some reasons he didn't understand, you cared about him and actually wanted him in your life. He had found someone who didn't want to hurt him or manipulate him. He found his person.

His flesh arm wrapped around your middle while his vibranium arm snaked under you, wrapping you completely in his arms. He laid his head on your chest and closed his eyes, listening to your heartbeat. Your right hand went to his head, running your fingers through his long hair; over and over again at a soothing pacewhile your left arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding him impossibly closer to you. You closed your eyes and felt your entire body relax.

As you both fell asleep, you knew you weren’t ever letting the other go. You fell into place like two puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly. You had found the missing piece you needed, finally whole.

Dividers were made by @bwbatta full credits to her and her talent.

2K notes · View notes

v-hope · 3 years ago

Note

2 from why would u do that, tae ofc (my babiest boi) and really angsty bc. I LOVE YO ANGSTSSS😭❤ but then pls give us a happy ending coz. i love tae.

pairing: kim taehyung x idol!reader

genre: angst, fluff

prompt: “you guys kept making eye contact the whole night. it was getting embarrassing”

a/n: i don’t know if this was as angsty as you wanted, but i hope you enjoy! thank you so much for requesting!

When Jimin had opened the door for you and given you a concerned look as he let you inside the dorms, you should’ve known something was a bit off that particular morning. Nevertheless, pushing it aside, you followed him to the kitchen, where he told you your boyfriend was having breakfast.

The second sign you should’ve gotten was the way that he remained staring into his bowl of cereal, mindlessly moving the spoon in circles instead of actually eating his food. Then again, he wasn’t the biggest of morning persons, so, you went over to him like you would do any other time — a sweet ‘morning’ leaving your lips before you leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek.

Only he didn’t let you.

Moving his face away from you instead of looking at you with the brightest of smiles like he usually would, Taehyung didn’t even look your way, but somehow managed to stare harder into the bowl.

“Are you mad at me?” you asked in both surprise and hurt.

Again, he said nothing — the way he visibly bit the inside of his cheek, let you know just how tense he was.

Dumbfounded eyes going up to Jimin on the other side of the table, you watched him raise both hands, excusing himself from the kitchen before he got caught up in the middle of a couple’s drama.

Letting out a sigh, you took a seat next to him.

“Tae?” you softly pushed it, trying to get some kind of reaction from him. “What’s wrong?”

Silence.

“Can you please talk to me?” you tried to reason. “I don’t know what I did wrong and I can’t apologize if you don’t tell me what it is”.

“After flirting with someone who’s not me all night long, I would’ve thought you knew what you did wrong” he finally spoke up, yet still wouldn’t look at you.

That’s when it hit you. The awards the night prior — the ones you had performed your new collaboration with another idol at.

A love song. With a male idol.

Although Taehyung knew you would have to put on a show for everyone, and that there would most probably be some lovey dovey look exchanges on your end, for that was how most song promotions worked, he was not ready for you to sit down next to said other guy and spend the rest of the night chatting and laughing together.

You were his girlfriend, yet you had not once sat on the same table as him during an award show.

Then again, he would always have to sit down with all his six members, and it was not like you could choose who to sit with, for that was in the awards’ hands.

And, then again, no one knew the two of you were together.

“I wasn’t flirting with him” your words earned a scoff from him. “It was a love song, Taehyung. Of course we would have to portray some kind of emotion, but it wasn’t flirting”.

“Your fans think otherwise” he bitterly pointed out. “Twitter has been all about how you guys were looking at each other”.

“We performed together, we had to look at each other”.

“During the performance, yes” his eyes fixed on yours. “But you guys kept making eye contact the whole night, it was getting embarrassing”.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “How was it embarrassing?”

“You guys were trying too hard. Anyone could tell it wasn’t real”.

“Trying too hard to what?” you were the one to scoff this time. “We’re trying to promote our song, not to make everyone think we’re in love”.

“Well, everyone thinks so now” he shrugged. “And it’s embarrassing”.

“You’re not even making sense, Taehyung” you shook your head. “Everyone thinks there’s something going on between me and him, but it’s embarrassing because we’re trying too hard?”

“Yes,” he simply said. “They’re all blind not to see it, I could tell from miles away”.

“Why are you jealous then?” you cocked one of your eyebrows. “Since you know it’s just acting”.

“Because,” he let out a heavy sigh. “You’re supposed to be with me. I am your boyfriend, I am supposed to be giving you that kind of looks and making everyone believe we are in love with each other”.

Staring at his miserable expression with a pout, you stood up from your seat, carefully testing the waters before you could come close to him. Once he didn’t move away from you, you sat on his lap, smiling ever so softly when he loosely wrapped his arms around you.

“We’ve talked about this, love. You know your fans wouldn’t take the news very well” you breathed out, arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him to your chest.

“I know…”

“And I never meant to flirt with him, it was just, that… promoting our song” you promised. “I’m sorry I made it look that way”.

“It’s okay…” nuzzled your neck. “I just hate the thought of you and someone else”.

“I understand… I would hate the thought of you and someone else, too”.

That had seemed to bring some reassurance to him. Pressing a lingering kiss to the uncovered skin on your neck, he pulled slightly back to lock eyes with you.

“You should make a song with me then,” Taehyung smirked. “So we would have to act like that in front of everyone”.

“Let me guess, a love song?” you chuckled.

He nodded. “More specifically, a secret love song”.

“Wouldn’t that be too obvious?” you couldn’t help but let out a light laugh.

“It would just be a collaboration,” he smiled. “Just a song. Let them believe what they want. They believe you’re in love with someone you have no chemistry with anyway”.

“Oh?” you playfully raised one of your eyebrows, laughing over the way he had just rolled his eyes. “I have no chemistry with him?”

“Not even one bit” he confirmed with a cute boxy smile. “The only person you have chemistry with is your handsome boyfriend”.

Noticing the way his lips had puckered up awaiting for a kiss, you didn’t have to think twice before leaning in to close the space between your mouths.

“You’re right,” your words were cut off mid-sentence by another kiss. “Too bad they don’t get to see it”.

Taehyung nodded. It truly was a shame. “A secret love song will have to do then”.

And then, when you pressed a small kiss to the crown of his head and he went back to his comfortable spot resting on your chest, he added:

“Hopefully soon it won’t be a secret anymore”.

#bts #bts imagines #taehyung imagines #kim taehyung #bts fluff #taehyung fluff #kpop #kpop fanfic #bts fanfic #taehyung fanfic #bts scenarios #taehyung scenarios #bts reactions #taehyung reactions #bts x reader #kim taehyung x reader #bts taehyung #taehyung

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chilumi-shipper · 3 years ago

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Ready to Let Go

Xiao x Adeptus!Fem!Reader (x Zhongli)

Summary: Zhongli loves you, Xiao loves you, You love Xiao. Seems as though, in the eyes of everybody else, Zhongli was gonna be a problem within your relationship with your fellow adeptus. He would never do that though, not to you, not to Xiao. For the first time, the vigilant yaksha seems happy, and you seem more carefree the moment you two are starting to get close to one another. Zhongli would never trade your happiness for the sake of his own, and that's why, he's ready to let go.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

The God of War, flaunting over one of his very own dearest adeptus, if Guizhong saw him right now, she would've laughed at how much he jumped and flaunted over you whenever you were in his presence.

But love is complicated, he could say he loves you with a burning passion, yet it can never change the fact that you had fell for another, no matter how much Zhongli might push through, you will choose to be embraced within the arms of your true beloved, Xiao.

Neither you nor him ever said anything to confirm the nature of your relationship, but Zhongli felt it, the connection between you and the adeptus was so much more than just two people who used to work along side each other. You and Xiao, he's known both of you for millennias, you're not really the greatest with expressing emotions.

Zhongli was never one to fight reality, in fact he accepted it with open arms, having no care for the pain it might bring.

But just this once, he let's himself drift to a false hope, perhaps you only see Xiao as a friend, that in actuality you tell him the feelings that you're too scared to say to your Archon. But every time Zhongli dreamt like that, he can't help but see Xiao, sadness clouding over him, it slaps the brown-haired man in the face.

He can't do that to Xiao. The poor boy, tormented his entire life, but today, he may very well be bearing a smile on his face, with you around him, with you loving him.

He was sitting between you two, in a table in Wangshu Inn's restaurant area, the light atmosphere was calming.

It was supposed to be a nice get together, yet Zhongli felt irritated. The way your gaze lingers past him and onto the person of your interest as you spoke about how you tried cooking mortal food recently. How you seem to take into account every expression and response Xiao would give, but pay no mind to Zhongli at all.

You weren't being rude and ignoring him the whole time, in fact, you make eye contact with him from time to time, to see if he's understanding you. But Zhongli felt peeved, why couldn't you look at him the way you looked at Xiao?

"I really like cooking actually!" You exclaimed, the cat-eyed adeptus smiling softly while listening to your rambles, his elbow resting on the table, while his chin leans on his hand. That makes Zhongli feel even worse for having such feelings for you, just looking at the small but genuine smile on Xiao's face as he admires you.

"Xiao?" You softly called out to him, clasping your hands together. The adeptus gave a hum in response. "There's this recipe I found called "Tofu Cookies with Almonds", I was hoping you could help me taste test them when I try baking for the first time?" Your voice gets quieter the more you say. Zhongli found it adorable when you get shy, yet he can't help but feel a nauseous felling eating away at his skin, you didn't invite him.

The waitress puts the food you all ordered on your table before Xiao answers. Zhongli looked into your eyes, seeing the nervousness as you anxiously wait for an answer.

"Okay."

Golden orbs then looked at Xiao, seeing he's looking away from you, his ears red from embarrassment. Yet even when he tried to hide it, the Archon can feel his giddiness from miles away.

Zhongli can't help but look back and forth, seeing your eyes light up with happiness because of Xiao's answer. "Thank you so much!" You smiled brightly, proceeding to put some food onto your plate to start eating.

In all this, Zhongli felt as though he didn't have a place. Perhaps you were overjoyed that you didn't look at the fact that you completely discarded him, but someone else noticed.

"Mora- Zhongli can join us too, he's good at taste testing food." Xiao looks at you, before looking at the taller man. "I think." Zhongli then nodded, agreeing with Xiao's statement.

He knows he shouldn't, he knows that he just let the two of you resolve your feelings together, just the two of you. Yet he can't, for once in his life, he feels that it's too hard to let go.

The two looked at you expectantly, despite you making it obvious that you wanted to spend some time with Xiao alone, Zhongli hoped that maybe, just this one occasion, you'll let him intervene with your growing relationship. It's selfish, it's pointless, but just this once.

You smiled, "Okay."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"Mr. Zhongliiii!" You burst in the funeral parlor, calling out to him. "You have to help me." The man got up from his seat immediately, worried.

"What happened?!" He asked in a panic.

You looked down onto the book in your hands, the man did the same, looking at a book that has a very interesting title.

'The Art of Romance: For Newbies.'

What?

Usually, if you were to come to him with a book like that in hand, he would have laughed and teased you, eager to see your embarrassed state. Yet, Zhongli felt nothing but hopelessness, you putting in so much effort for someone else, meaning he really has no chance, does he?

"I need to you to help me look for a really nice dress. Like really, really nice! Oh but not too nice, since we're baking, if I get stains on a dress, he might think I'm sloppy. Oh, but if it's too simple, he'll probably think that I don't really care. Ohhh, but I don't want to seem like I care too much--" You looked up at him, rambling on and on about what you're supposed to wear for tomorrow. "It says here that if the person thinks you're too desperate, they might think it's weird." You pointed at the book that you're holding, bring it closer to his face.

Zhongli gently grabbed your hands that are clasped around the book. "If you're worried about Mora, I already have some on me." You peaked your head from behind the book, looking at the brown-haired man's serious face.

"Him?" Zhongli completely ignores your ramblings, only focused on one thing you said. You're worrying so much about what to wear, just to make a good impression to him.

You felt your cheeks heat up as he looks at you with a frown on his face. You laughed a bit to ease the tension, scraching the nape of your neck.

"Xiao..." He's mentally prepared himself for this moment, you would come to him, ask for advice since you knew him as a very cultured man, and you would confess your love, for someone else. And yet, hearing it come from your own lips seem to crack the barriers of his heart with just one word.

Despite the tears wanting to just slip out of his golden orbs, he smiled at you. "I've always sensed your feelings towards him." His words fluster you even more, you didn't realize it was so obvious, but Zhongli was a very observant person, maybe it was just that.

"Do you wish to impress him tomorrow? That's why you're so... jumpy today?" You nodded, feeling embarrassed that you are worried about this sort of thing. Usually, only mortals are prone to these types of worries.

"Y/N, Xiao doesn't care about those trivial things. You just have to be yourself." He told you as a matter of fact.

'Besides, the Yaksha already is making it obvious that he likes you back.' Zhongli kept this thought internally.

"But what if he doessss." You whine, gripping on the book tighter. "Xiao is just so.... Xiao! So unpredictable and complicated." Sighing, you looked up at the man again. "Can you help me, please?"

Zhongli sighed, although it hurts him to help dress you up so pretty, just to send you off to another man, but he'll bite. How could he ever say no to you.

After hours of rummaging through your closet, you finally, finally find something that's actually good in your eyes, even though Zhongli assured you that everything would be fine.

The dress of your choice has Xiao's colors, white, gold, mint green. You really are some piece of work, piece of work that doesn't belong to him.

Zhongli just kept sighing as he walked back to the funeral parlor, he's conflicted, which usually doesn't happen. Is he just gonna leave you two alone for tomorrow with some lousy excuse, or... get in the way.

As he got to the entrance of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, he saw Xiao, sitting on a bench just outside. The cat-eyed boy sensed Zhongli's presence, standing up and looking at his way immediately.

The brown-haired man walked up to him, silently asking why he's here all of a sudden, in the city, which also doesn't happen very often.

"Can you help me?"

Oh boy, here we go again.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"You don't have to straight up lie if you don't like her treats, you can just give polite comments, like saying you're not really a big fan of them or something." Zhongli explained once again, it was the dead of night. Xiao had asked to help with how he should talk to you, he's not very talkative and expressive, but he doesn't want to make you feel like he doesn't like you.

"But that might also hurt her feelings." The Yaksha pointed out, listening intently to the older man.

"Yes, but she will appreciate the truth rather than a pointless lie."

He just needs help expressing his feelings right.

And Zhongli seeing how you two desperately try to be the best you can for one another, it makes him smile, despite the constant heart ache. And the realization that he has no chance for you, with the evidence right in front of him, Zhongli makes his decision...

He's ready to let go.

"I'm not gonna be joining you two tommorow."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Alternative Ending: Ready to Hold On - Reader chooses not to choose and start a polyamory relationship.

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin impact imagines #xiao x reader #genshin impact xiao #genshin angst #genshin impact fluff #zhongli x reader #xiao #zhongli #genshin impact zhongli

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hyunjilicious · 4 years ago

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summary: there's no plot, this is just porn with boyfriend!Bucky. SMUT 2.3k

warnings: smut, oral (m receiving), face fucking, spit play, cum play, breath play, slight Daddy kink, light subby/dom vibes but not established dynamics. also unedited I'm lazy. Also 18+ PLS THANKS!

(Also I'm posting from my phone so if the readmore isn't working pls let me know!)

The sound of Bucky washing dishes was audible throughout the whole apartment, even reaching your ears as you laid in bed. Instagram was getting boring, and the fact that he had been gone for more than 15 minutes started to annoy you. Of course, you could have allowed yourself to think rationally and it would have been really easy for you to understand why ignoring household chores for days wasn't a good idea, but you refused to do so. You wanted him back in bed. And when he told you for the 4th time it would still be a while, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

Jumping out of bed, you shuffled out of your shorts and let your hair down, before heading for the kitchen. When you spotted him, he had his back turned to you, his muscular back only serving as a reinforcement when it came to your idea. He seemed absorbed, with his mind miles away, as he failed to hear you walk up beside him.

Placing a soft hand on his back, you reached around his frame and turned the tap off, lowering yourself to your knees by his side.

"Y/n, what are you..." Bucky started mumbling, but eventually trailed off when he saw you settle on the marble floor.

He sighed and shook his head, but he didn't stop you.

And then, the games began. You started with an innocent pout, looking up into his eyes as you licked along your bottom lip. Your brows furrowed into a confused and playful frown and you started wiggling your body, pushing your ass back.

A reaction from him wasn't slow to materialize, as he chuckled in disbelief and leaned back against the counter - a sign for you to keep going. And you did.

The further you went, the easier it was for you to come up with new ideas to tease him. Poking your tongue out and closing your eyes, you brought one hand up and pawed at his thigh. It wasn't enough to get him to comply, but the grunt that forced its way past his lips told you you were on the right track.

You licked your lips and sucked on your thumb, pushing two fingers knuckle deep into your mouth as you looked him in the eye. The first light gagging sound that reached him broadened his grin, but he still refused to give you what you wanted. Judging by the darkening stare in his eyes and the way his chest rose and fell, he was enjoying this too much.

By now, you were already tingling all over. Opening your mouth and tilting your head back, you bend forward, giving him a view you knew he wouldn't resist. Your almost naked ass, on the floor - too far for him to reach, and your awaiting tongue, millimeters away from his hardening cock.

But it still wasn't enough. You were sure it would be, but it wasn't. He remained motionless in his spot, watching you put on a show. But it was supposed to be more than that - you needed him to take part in it, and you wanted to do it on his own. You wanted to see him snap, to see him unable to control himself.

Running out of ideas, you pushed yourself back and leaned against the counter, spreading your legs. The eye contact wasn't dropped as you started fiddling with the cotton of your panties, your fingers slowly finding their way inside. Just a small brush against your clit was enough to elicit a moan from your damp lips. It was exaggerated, yes, and you pushed your chest out as you whined out loud, begging him with your stare to join in. And there was no way he'd resist that too. He was too tightly wrapped around your finger, too weak for you and whatever you did, and this was the last straw.

"Fuck-" Bucky errupted, prompting his hands against the edge of the counter behind him. His head fell forward, and he sucked in a deep breath through gritted teeth.

Proud of yourself for getting him to this point, your eyes drifted lower to his jeans, specifically the area where his cock struggled against the material.

"I managed to get you hard!" you cheered, innocently.

At that, Bucky seemed offended. "You thought there was a universe where you could whore yourself out on the floor in front of me like that, and I wouldn't get hard?"

"I hoped there wasn't" you smiled, crawling closer to him and planting your hands on his massive thighs. His hand instantly came into your hair, petting it a few times before moving lower to stroke your cheek with his thumb.

"Such a good, little kitten" he hummed, "Couldn't wait for me to finish up here..."

"I'm sorry, Daddy" you whimpered.

"No, you're not"

"No, I'm not" you laughed out loud, making Bucky do the same.

"Then get to it, doll" he urged you, "finish what you started"

"What's the magic word?"

You were pushing it. "Finish what you started. ??Now" Bucky made himself clear, and it was even better than what you initially wanted to hear.

With his hand back in your hair - his fingers loosely wrapped around your roots, you unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down his thighs. In your eagerness, you grabbed his underwear too, getting rid of it at the same time. His almost rock hard cock all but sprung out, and you didn't waste one second before taking it into your mouth.

You didn't even bother to use your hands, instead you just lowered yourself and sloppily closed your lips around his tip.

Taking him as deep as you found it comfortable, you started bobbing your head up and down against his cock, hollowing your cheeks as your eyes slowly traveled up.

He was already looking down at you, awe visible in his stare, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to conform to your teasing pace.

Bucky did his best to let you work your magic in your own way, his thumb stocking your hair as the perverse sounds of you sucking his cock easily covered his rugged breathing.

Taking him out of your mouth, you wrapped your fingers around his base and moved to lick your way along his length, making it easier for you to pump into your hand. Working him up with lazy strokes and soft touches of your thumb against his slit, you shuffled closer and buried yourself between his legs, taking his balls into your mouth.

For whatever reason, he didn't see that coming and in turn bucked his hips into you, his head falling back in absolute bliss. "Holy fuck- doll, so, so good-"

You sent him a hum of approval as you lightly sucked, applying that specific amount of pressure you knew would drive him insane.

His thighs were shaking around your frame, and you were ready to lick your way back up his cock when he tightened his grip on your hair and pushed you away.

Filled with panic, you gasped, "Did I-?"

"You're fucking perfect" Bucky cut you off, bending down to furiously kiss your lips. His tongue forced its way inside your mouth before you even managed to register what was happening, but you complied sweetly, melting under his touch.

And you wanted to gush and to let yourself get absorbed, but at the same time, you weren't the type of person to leave a job halfway done - especially a blow job, and especially with Bucky.

"Come on, baby, back to it" he urged you, straightening his frame as he helped guide you back on his cock, "Take me all the way in, doll. The way you always do"

And he didn't have to ask twice. You eagerly resumed your spot, welcoming his already licking tip on your tongue. You sucked softly, moaning against his cock, even whimpering every now and then, all of it for the sole purpose of making him lose it. Taking him out of your mouth, you swirled your tongue around his tip a few times, smiling up up him, "Do you like it, Bucky? Am I doing ok?"

"More than ok, doll" he weakly huffed. His hand fell from your hair, as he brought his thumb to your lips, rubbing them softly as you sat and waited. When he pushed his thumb into your mouth, you obediently welcomed him in.

He did taste like dish soap but you didn't care. You had only one thing in mind, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the chores that was previously doing.

"Suck, baby" he urged you.

Bucky squatted down in front of you, his finger still in your mouth as he did so. You obediently watched him, closing your lips around his thumb and starting to suck - maybe a bit too shily for his liking.

"Come on, baby" he laughed, "I know you can do better than that"

But he didn't give you a chance to show him. Instead, he pulled his hand back, his pointer and middle finger replacing his thumb. He shoved his fingers inside your mouth, knuckle deep, pushing down against your tongue. With each passing second your eyebrows would slightly raise as the need to cough only grew stronger.

"That's it" he cooed when the innocent sound of you gagging against his fingers reached his ears. "A bit more, doll, for me, come on"

Despite your increasing need for air, you kept calm, struggling to choke down every cough and gag that threatened to erupt from your throat. When you reached your limit, he let you go, only then to hurry to kiss your lips before you'd get a chance to breathe properly.

He had you so weak for him, so eager to do absolutely anything he'd ask. He knew it and loved it.

The kiss was rough and passionate, but way too short. You couldn't help but moan in disappointment when he pulled away.

"Shh" he urged you, "Open up"

You listened to him in a heartbeat, parting your lips for him. Bucky grabbed ahold of your neck, keeping you in place as he spat on your tongue. Your jaw was shaking with eagerness, but you waited for him to place his thumb on your chin and close your mouth himself.

"Swallow, baby"

You did so with an innocent bob of your head. "Tasty"

"Is it?" he laughed, "Got something better"

Of course you didn't have to ask what that was. Bucky straightened his back and you didn't waste a second before picking up his cock into your hand. However, he stopped you before you could to work, as he cupped your cheeks in his palms.

"Take me down your throat, beautiful, yeah? I don't want you breathing for this one"

You shook your head yes, and pumped him in your hand a few times, before taking him in your mouth. No matter how much you wanted to, your body refused to let you take him all the way down on your own. But he knew that, and loved the way he always needed to help you.

With his fingers tightly wrapped into the roots of your hair, Bucky forced your head down his cock, keeping you in place. The way your throat convulsed against his tip was heavenly, accelerating the approach of his high. With precum and spit dripping down your chin, you sat in place. You concentrated on your grip on his thighs, on his heavy and strong muscles and the little hairs that tickled your fingers. But no matter how much you tried, tears did eventually build up in your eyes, soon cascading down your cheeks.

"Take it easy" he whispered, not loosening his grip in the slightest. "Relax, baby. I know you can take more"

You wanted to nod, but that was out of the question. Instead, you just wiggled around, curling your toes and sinking your nails into his toned thighs. It was very easy to tell just how close he was, the way his hips bucked and all the sweet little moans that escaped his lips. You struggled to hold on, choking and gagging on his cock, waiting for his release and for that breath of fresh air that would come with it. And it didn't take much longer, it didn't matter how big and buff he was, or how much of that supersoldier serum was still pumping through his veins, he never managed to resist you for too long.

Before you knew it, you found yourself harshly yanked back. Bucky's metal hand held your hair tightly as he fisted himself into his right hand, breathing heavily as he looked down at you.

"Turn around, doll" he commanded, "Ass up for me"

You followed his words in an instant, spinning around and laying down on the floor, your ass on full display for him. In one swift and rather painful motion, he ripped the underwear off of you, proceeding to cum all over your ass and lower back.

"Fuck, fuck- yes-" he panted as he finished, holding onto your hips as he did so. Before telling you to stand up, he gathered a few droplets of cum on his thumb, "Come here, baby, look at me"

When you turned to face him, Bucky stuck his finger inside your mouth, barely managing to also get it out before attacking your lips with his own. The kiss was rather sloppy, with him being so out of breath and you so taken aback, but it worked. You both stumbled back, the kitchen floor cold against your skin you rolled over and dragged him with you.

"And you did this just to prove to yourself that you could do it?" Bucky questioned, staring at the ceiling as he caught his breath.

"Basically"

"Then why the fuck am I praising you so often? Might as well call you useless every now and then and see where that gets us"

"Ha" you giggled, "Kink unlocked"

For a split second, Bucky laughed along, but when realisation hit him, his face fell. "Wait what?"

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan smut #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you

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beels-burger-babe · 4 years ago

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The Façade of the Suitor - Pt. 2

***Wow! You guys are really digging this series! Thank you so much for your support 🥰🥰🥰 I don't get to share OCs often, so it's really reassuring to see you guys take to Harlow. She's a character, that's for sure 😅😅 Thanks for all the love! - B*** Summary: MC catches the eye of Lady Harlow, a higher demoness who has had a small feud with the brothers for centuries. She's determined to steal MC from them and keep MC under her wing. The brothers, however, are determined not to let that happen. Part 1, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

After a week had passed since the ball, Lucifer had dared to hope that maybe that had been the end of things and that Harlow would just leave him and you alone. But fate had never been on his side. A letter arrived in the mail, sealed with a horrifyingly familiar purple stamp and her nauseating fragrance. It was, of course, addressed to you.

Lucifer's nose wrinkled in distaste. He'd have to dispose of this before you ever caught sight of it. He had turned to do exactly that when he bumped into Satan and dropped the letter. Satan sighed and bent down to pick it up. "I thought that you of all people would be capable of watching where you're," he stopped short as he finally looked at the letter. Satan's jaw clenched as he looked back at Lucifer. "Why in Diavolo's name are you in contact with her again?" Lucifer sighed and tried to take the letter back, Satan stepped out of his reach. He glared at the angry demon. "Not that it's any of your business-" "Not my business?!" Satan snapped before Lucifer could finish his explanation. "She turned you against all of us and nearly tore this family a part and you don't think it's my business if you're in contact with that- that- that snake again?!"

Lucifer growled at the reminder of his past failure. "If I had a choice, I would wipe her foul existence from the face of this realm, but I can't. I loath that woman as much as you do. The letter isn't addressed to me. It's to MC."

Satan's eyes widened and quickly looked down at the letter, seeing your name scrawled in her disgustingly perfect cursive font. He dropped the letter as though it had burned him. "We can't let them see this. Harlow shouldn't even know MC exists! How the fuck did this happen?"

Lucifer picked up the letter, " The exchange program ball. Near the end of the evening, MC and I were relaxing near a wall and Harlow approached us." Satan looked at his brother as though he had two heads. "And you just let her?" This quickly earned the younger demon another glare. "We were at a public event where I was representing our House and Diavolo and MC was representing the human realm. There wasn't much I could do without causing a scene." Satan rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. "Of course! You'd let Harlow sink her claws into MC just so you can protect your reputation. I forgot who I was talking to for a moment." Beel stepped out of the kitchen and into the room at the sound of the yelling. "What's going on?" "Noth-" "Harlow's trying to get to MC." The "father and son" duo sneered at each other. Beel's eyes widened as his face paled. "Well, we aren't going to let her, right? We can stop her this time. Now we know her tricks. It won't be like last time?" he was staring directly at Lucifer. The eldest felt his stomach twist and churn guiltily at the desperation in Beel's stare. They all knew from experience just how cunning and manipulative Harlow could be. She had targeted Lucifer specifically, and because he let down his guard, his whole family soon became infected by the demoness venom. He refused to let the same happen to you. Lucifer turned on his heel and threw the letter into the fireplace. The three brothers watched as it slowly was consumed by the flames and turned to ash. "Tell the others about what happened. There's no doubt that Harlow will attempt to reach MC again. It's our duty to stop that from happening," Lucifer spoke up. Beel nodded right away before taking off to obey the command. Satan sighed and glanced at Lucifer, "You know this won't stop her. She'll figure out a way to get to MC." Lucifer continued watching the flames. The fire's glow reflecting in his obsidian eyes like a memory flickering in the darkness. "Maybe so, but at the very least it will give us time to come up with a plan on what to do when she does." In the end, Satan had been right. The brothers worked tirelessly together to intercept any letters, bouquets, or baskets that had been sent for you. Asmo kept a collection of the bouquets and gifts in his room, and simply told you that they were objects of admiration from his fans. You had walked in on Beel shuffling through the mail one day, and he had managed to fluster out an excuse before hurrying out of the room and shoving the most recent letter into his mouth. Mammon became even clingier than usual and was always by your side. Although he was physically with you, his mind and eyes were always looking around you for any signs of the demoness that he was trying to avoid. Satan had worked with Solomon to put an enchantment on the House's gates that caused anything that had recently touched Harlow's hands to be incinerated as it passed through the gate. Levi had been forcing you to watch the top ten anime betrayals and any anime with a manipulative or toxic antagonist in hopes that it would help you recognize them in Harlow if she ever got to you and that you would do the right thing and choose your real best friend him (and I suppose the others as well). Belphegor would purposefully fall asleep on you as much as possible to prevent you from leaving the House and therefore heightening the risk of Harlow coming to meet you personally. Lucifer had begun to do his own research on Harlow, once more, and was looking back on his own past experiences with the demoness to gain wisdom on how to outwit her. Despite all of their efforts, it wasn't enough. You came down to breakfast, looking complexed but intrigued as you held a piece of paper with a dreadfully purple broken seal on the top. The brothers froze as Harlow's familiar perfume reached their noses. Levi swallowed his food as he looked at you nervously. "M-MC, what...what do you have there?" You blinked up at them and held up the paper. "It's a letter from

Lady Harlow. A bat flew through my window this morning with this attached to its foot. According to the letter, she's tried more normal means of communication, but had no luck. Hmm, I wonder why?" you pondered out loud as you continued reading the letter. The brothers exchanged worried looks. Lucifer straightened his posture. "What else does it say?" You barely looked over at him as you responded. "Oh, she has invited me to a private luncheon at her manor. Apparently, she'd like to get to know me better." Your words caused everyone at the table to stiffen. "Seems suspicious to me," Belphie stated as he rested his head on your shoulder. "You shouldn't go. She's probably planning to kill you or something but is just pretending to be nice to get you to let your guard down." You smirked down at him. "Hmmm, sounds familiar," despite your joking tone, you noticed the room tense and Belphie looked away in shame. You frowned and placed a hand on his arm. "I...I was joking, Belphie. You know I've forgiven you for that. You've proved that you've changed. We're okay," you looked around at the others, finally picking up on the tension in the room. "What's going on? Why is everyone acting so weird?" Satan sighed and met your eyes. "Harlow is the Lady of Manipulation. She thrives off of playing with others' emotions and desires to get her own twisted wants." "She's dangerous," Lucifer added. You were shocked to see that he was seemingly unable to meet your eyes. Instead, he stared at his plate as though lost in a memory. "She's incredibly skilled at what she does and will worm her way into your thoughts before you're even aware of what's happening. She's cunning and sly," he finally lifted his head to look at you. You shivered at the intense urgency and regret in his gaze. "Lady Harlow is not one that you should give even a second of your time to. If you give her even a single inch, she will take a mile." You frowned and looked back at the letter. It was filled with so many kind words and eloquent phrasing. She had seemed nice enough at the ball, and she went through all this trouble just to send you an invitation. "Thank you for the warning," you spoke sincerely as you looked at the others. "I'll be sure to keep your words in mind and be careful." Mammon scoffed and crossed his arms. "You make it sound as if you're going." "I am." The room burst into a mix of angry proclamations, commands that you were not going, and pleas for you to listen to them. You smiled sympathetically at the brothers. "I know you're worried, but it would be extremely rude to reject a personal invitation like this from a noble, especially after all the effort she went through to have it delivered. I should at least go to see what she wants. I'll have my D.D.D. on me and you can guys can ask me all the questions you want as soon as I get back." Lucifer's eyes searched your expression in a mix of frustration and desperation. "MC did you not hear a single word I just said? One visit is all she'll need. I really must urge you not-" "Lucifer stop," the room fell silent as Lucifer's mouth snapped shut. His gaze hardened at your use of a command. You sighed and ran a hand over your face. "I'm sorry, but this isn't your choice. I know you seem to have...something going on with Harlow, and I will take caution from your words during my visit. But I'm sure I'll be fine. I live with and have befriended seven of the most powerful demons in the Devildom. What's a silly noblewoman going to do to me?" You gently lifted Belphie's head off of you and rose. "I should get ready for the school day. I'm sorry guys. I'll see you all later." As you left, a small piece of hope from within the brothers left with you. Lucifer snarled and downed a glass of wine. "Right," he said bitterly and looked over at Satan, "onto plan c."

*** I hope you guys enjoyed it! I promise you will find out exactly what went down between Harlow and the brothers later on. But for now, let the games begin 😈 Thanks again for all the support and love you've all been giving this series!***

Taglist: @cosmixbun @sufzku @simeonspebble @lovevictoire @obey-mes-treasure @kissed-by-a-dementor @yukihaie @justtiarra @mammoneybb @obeys-world @peachyeevee13 @otome-scribbles @azureusmoonie @poly-bi-mf

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insomniac-dot-ink · 4 years ago

Text

Headlights Girl

Genre: Urban fantasy + wlw romance

Words: approx. 8k

Summary: The story of a girl with headlamps for eyes and the moth-girl she meets along the way.

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Most humans carry the night with them. Even during daylight hours, they can shut out the sun, turn off the light, recede into themselves and into that soft secret place behind their eyes.

Did you know certain animals don’t have eyelids? Gecko’s have nothing between them and the violent sun which wishes to cook the colors of their world. They have to use their tongue. Dust and sand and rain, can you imagine? I was obsessed with lizards as a kid.

I stacked up books on snakes and lizards and skinks. I traced the way that sand snakes crested across the dunes, sideways and wrong. I put glue on the pads of my hand and tried to climb the walls of my room— I didn’t even get one handhold up. I went to the zoo and peered into their cages, up on my tiptoes, trying not to smudge the glass or breath too hard. I tried make out their triangle heads and slow tongue-flicks, but they each shrank away deep into nooks and crannies of their cages. Most things do when I look at them.

Most humans carry the night with them, right there behind their eyelids is an entire world of darkness. I have something else inside me, not quite, not soft, not secret. They called me “headlights girl” in the newspapers.

There were even stranger kids born in the Age of Spirits. I checked. Every morning of fifth grade, I scanned the papers for mentions of “oddities” growing into anomalies.

A boy who could breath fire. A girl with leaves sprouting from her head. A kid with antennae that could taste the wind. There are stranger things than me in the age of beasts and magic. My father called it the “Epoch of Bastards,” sons and daughters of flickering fire elementals and wind ghosts who seduced half-asleep ladies from their beds.

He didn’t look at me much growing up. And I knew what he meant. I knew what he was getting at by calling it the Epoch of Bastards. Growing up, I played in my little puddle of carpet on the floor as he blustered in and out of rooms like gale force winds. He’d be looking for his keys or a left shoe or wallet since he was going out, out, out. I think I missed him at first, in the way you miss strangers you’ve never met.

Later, still on my puddle of carpet, still on my island, I would glare at him with that sour, acid taste in the back of my throat. Acrid, smoky, I would barely blink as he passed; he’d jump when he turned too quickly and accidentally fell into my path. Later still, I would begin to wish they were both like that—blustery and calling people names, gone more often than not.

It sometimes felt better than hearing my mom weep to herself on the couch. I wish she’d do it in her room or outside or anywhere else than that theatrical sobbing in the middle of the house, a naked heartbeat to the place. She spoke to her friends on the phone in that same watery voice, handkerchief in hand and sniffling, she spoke to them more than me.

What else am I supposed to do? This isn’t how it was supposed to be. She’d wail, just a bit, and then find a new thing to wail over. They could barely afford to send me to That School. They could barely afford the special doctor’s appointments for my eyes. They barely knew what to do with me.

Sometimes, I wanted to shout right back: It’s not like I didn’t want to be here either!

But she wasn’t talking to me.

School wasn’t much better. We weren’t the same, not really. None of us were the same age or had the same affliction. Plus, most everyone else stayed in dorms where they bonded with secrets and whispers and hiding from matrons. It wasn’t the same.

They called me The Lighthouse and Car Face and Nightlight. Sometimes they’d give me a few bucks to close my eyes so they could see my face. I did it. They’d laugh and reassure me I was as ugly as you’d think. Or beautiful. Or perfectly average-looking or I had a pig-nose or unibrow. I’d never seen anything but the blinding light of my own eyes in the mirror so I could never contradict them.

A boy with antlers handed me a twenty for a kiss in the 6th grade. I closed my eyes for that too. It was chapped and dry and he ran away with a screaming laugh afterward. There are stranger kids than me, I reminded myself. So why do I feel so much stranger than the rest of them?

I was 16 when I heel-toed my way down the stairs toward the front door. A duffel bag slung over my shoulder stuffed with loose clothes, change, a bath towel, three books with broken spines, all the tampons in the house, and a Swiss-army knife.

I hoped to stuff as many cheddar-cheese sandwiches in my sack as possible before the midnight bus came, but he was at the kitchen table. I don’t think either of us expected it, like running into your teacher at the mart and you’re both buying the same brand of toilet cleaner. There was a beer in front of his idle hands and he still wore his rumpled work shirt. He glanced at the bag on my shoulder for a long minute.

Finally, he sighed like I cut him off in traffic.

“Gimme a moment.”

My father leafed through a wad of cash he kept in a safe. He handed me almost three hundred bucks and we nodded at each other. At the time, I thought there was a kind of satisfaction to that nod, an endnote.

I was out the door before the midnight bus arrived.

Only three people were at the terminal. None of them looked at me with my pack and my knife stuffed in one hand and my eyes glowing. They did look at the glow, but not for long.

Remote and empty like maybe the world had ended and the last bits of if were nothing but strangers not making eye contact.

Finally, I watched the headlights of the midnight bus approach through dense summer night. I was struck by the thought that it was like looking at like, the glow of my eyes against its eyes. Can a bus be your father? Can your father be a man after all this time? Will your mother come looking for you?

I got on the bus and kicked my feet up against the seat in front of me. Scrunched into a ball, crossed my arms over my chest, and watched the trees turn into flickering bodies of shadow with each passing mile. ------------- My feet moved like tides. They tossed me against nameless city streets and toward empty forested slices of land. I stumbled into the painted deserts toward the west. I dipped my toes into the neon districts of the east with lights brighter than my own. I slept on benches and in kid’s treehouses and hunched my shoulders against brick walls of back alleys.

No one touched me. Maybe they’d approach now and then, but I’d open my eyes and they’d see nothing but heaven or devils or an absent lightning-God father that would smite them. I was the daughter of spirits after all.

I found my way to the ocean; beaches where other stragglers gathered and it was easy to stretch out on empty pieces of warm sand. I didn’t talk much by then, I didn’t like to; people stared whether I was speaking or screaming and clamping down on my jaw so hard it ached. Sometimes I get yelled at: Turn that off! No phone lights in here. You’re blinding me, bitch!

I’d never seen a movie in any theatres, but I could imagine what it’s like.

It was crowded, but I liked that ocean city, despite myself. It had pale buildings built into cliffs, narrow winding sidewalks where cars couldn’t fit, reckless bikers, and crushed seashell parking lots. I liked the tang of salt in the air and the way my hair crinkled from the ocean water as it sun-dried. I camp out on beaches and bummed cigarettes and hotdogs off strangers. I was good at taking care of myself once I got into a rhythm.

I had a tent by then and even an enormous sun umbrella to keep any prying eyes away. I still liked to sleep under the stars most nights though.

I often dreamed of sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I dreamed of descending on pointed ballerina-feet to the silted black bottom. I’d be weighted down through the cold and the silence to where no human being had ever been. I’d open my eyes there, open them all the way, lightning-bright, and unflinching. In my dreams, the salt didn’t even sting. I lit up the world, the whole untouched world of whales and fish and terror and maybe I’d do something good then. Maybe I’d do something good and bring the sun to places that had forgotten it.

I hated those dreams.

I met Mags on the beach after one of those dreams. Mags had one eye and twelve teeth and carried around nothing but string and scissors everywhere. She smelled like seawater and burning kelp, dank and crusted over. Her clothes were neat despite her leather-cracked skin and arms and neck covered in tattoos of shipwrecks. We ran into each other at some bum gathering and she cackled and pulled me aside.

“What’s your name?” Her voice was old creaking wood. I didn’t answer. “I could give you one.” She offered with a grin that was more empty space than anything.

“Nana.” I gritted out. “You want something?”

“Not sure. What do you want, kid?”

I glared openly, my beam of light slanting. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Come here.”

I didn’t know why I was chosen.

Mags liked me more than I deserved. I pocketed her last pair of socks when she wasn’t looking. She never mentioned it and dragged me down to the community showers to get clean with soap and shampoo. She took me to the soup and salad restaurant for something that wasn’t burnt or freeze-dried or from a convenience store. She cackled, she spat when she talked, people shot her looks as well.

I thought she was normal, not touched by the spirits, but she liked me more than most people and I didn’t know why.

“You like art, kid?”

I snorted. “No.”

“Why not? You broken?” Yeah. Probably.

“How am I supposed to know?” I snapped back.

“Lippy squirt. Come on, I’ll show you something worth your forked tongue.”

She heated the needle before she used it, red hot and untouchable. She dipped it into deep black inks, only black and sometimes red, she called them the only colors that matter. She shows me how to prick the skin and clean it. She showed me how to slowly, painstakingly etch images. I wasn’t sure I liked it, there was something so permanent and intentional about the act.

I watched her lessons though: stick and poke to her right foot, all over those fine little bones that must hurt, in and out, a little bloody.

It took her six hours to make a tiny shipwreck right above her big toe. It was a narrow schooner going under and I was the only witness. She made the waves come to life and crash against its sides and sometimes I forgot to blink. She didn’t seem to mind.

She washed another needle. She heated it red-hot. She dipped it in ink and handed it to me.

I still wasn’t sure I liked the permanence of it, but I told myself I was bored and it was something to do. I decided quickly I did like the bite of it, I liked the focus it took, and the ability to pull something from nothing.

I practiced all over my thighs first, there was enough meat there and it was easy enough to reach: a lizard design that looked like nothing but squiggles, a TV set playing static, a tiny smudged skink with its tongue out. I practiced designs in the sand and then on paper when Mags splurged on pen and paper.

Mags took me to the museum on Sundays. They were always free on Sundays.

Something stirred in my chest, even as the guards yelled at us about how flash photography wasn’t allowed in the museum. Even as I was shooed out of exhibits for ruining the paint. Still, an ache so old it rotted roared to life in my chest.

I stabbed in and out, gentle, a collection of stars right above my right knee. A winding sand snake on my wrist, and then finally, something good, something that gave people pause and reason to stare. I made it in the mirror: a ghost on my collarbone. Shadowed and intricate and yet simple, I put a ghost right above my collarbone and it bleeds more than any of the others.

That was a good year or so; one of the best I could remember.

I didn’t want to leave the ocean city though and Mags said she had to keep moving. She had places to be. She gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“You're a gem, kid. You’ll knock ‘em all to the pavement.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You’ll be back?”

She cackled. “Wouldn’t miss it. You know me.” She winked as she turns to the bus, my second father. “You think I’ll miss your great becoming, kid? I’ll be back.”

I wanted to make her pinky-promise like I was a kid again begging one of the others to tell me if I’m beautiful when I close my eyes. I couldn’t do that; I waved as she tottered up the steps of the bus and was taken away with the tides of her own feet.

A had a moment of thinking it was the end then; I was ready to get back to my real normal. I was ready to disappear again. But even shipwrecks with no witnesses leave things left to be found.

------------ I got an apprenticeship. Technically, Mags talked them into it and I just followed up when I had nothing better to do.

I didn’t think I’d like it much, but couch surfing and camping out was the pastime of the especially young. And I’d lost my giant umbrella.

It was a small shop that smelled like bleach and dried flowers. A tattoo parlor in one of the steep arts districts neighbored by food trucks and beaded necklace shops.

Penguin Davies and Bitch-Annie ran it together. Davies walked like he’d never encountered land before, and Bitch-Annie had a throw-pillow embroidered with “If you don’t have anything nice to say then come sit next to me.”

Davies was covered in nothing but birds and dizzying M. C. Escher house-designs up and down his chest and arms. Bitch-Annie had topless mermaids and pinup girls across her shoulders and legs. She’d been asked to leave a number of stores before the children started staring or thinking thoughts.

Neither of them had ever met someone like me. It was not that type of town. I rankled at most their questions, a cat meeting a steel brush. Where are you from? What’s your family name? What kind of school did you go to? Is your sight better than other people you think?

I brushed off anything more personal than my favorite type of soda. Bitch-Annie called me “Shadow” probably as a joke, probably. Davies said I must be possessed by the ghost of some dead star: a blackhole that takes everything in and lets nothing out.

Neither of them let me touch a needle in those first six months. They had me practice on pig skin and trace designs and stand by their shoulders as they worked. I felt like a dental assistant except I was the hanging light shining into open mouths instead of anything with a pulse. I stood at their shoulder as they drew thick lines and thin dots and made hearts and wolves and names of dead lovers come to life.

They asked me to stand still and stop wiggling the light. I almost walked out several to find a new cliff to crash against, almost.

No one had ever expected anything of me before. They never expected me to show up somewhere or do something well. No one really cared if I went to school or if I did my homework, if I dressed well or went to bed on time. And no one kept any tabs on me at all after I took that first bus. That’s how I liked it.

I should’ve left, tattooing didn’t mean anything to me, not really. But Bitch-Annie stomped up to my attic-apartment one morning and threw pants at me.

“Get up, Shadow,” she barked. She was sterner than Mags, no hint of humor in her eyes. “I told you 9am so I expect 9am.”

“The fuck!?” I was eloquent in the mornings.

“Pants, shirt, shoes, and bra if you don’t want that desk idiot staring at something other than your eyes all day.”

“Are you serious?”

“Serious as a root canal. Mags swore up and down about what you. Let’s see some of that, up, up!”

I grumbled. I put on everything but the bra. No one ever expected me to be anywhere before and 9am shouldn’t have even been a concept much less a real thing. I told myself I hated it. I’d leave the next week. Or maybe the week after that or in just one more month. I kept a bus ticket under my pillow but every time the date arrived I shrugged and made myself busy.

There’d be no harm in having a savings too and seeing what all the fuss was about with having a dishwasher and a kitchen.

I wasn’t an artist of course. I didn’t understand what everyone else was seeing when they looked at the “old masters” paintings of water or war or lovers pulled apart. I didn’t feel anything in front of stain-glass windows in churches or mosaics on walls. Maybe there really was something wrong with me, my eyes. I didn’t let up though. I put on pants for it after all.

Penguin Davies hovered by my shoulder when I made my first real design.

“Mm.” He rumbled deep in his chest. He’d gone grey at an early age, had tired eyes and quick hands. The desk kid said he’d been in medical school once, a surgeon. It was hard to tell. Davies muttered a lot, stared off into space too much, and laughed like it was always a painful surprise

“Perfectionist,” he muttered at me as I start over on a crappy unicorn design. “That line was barely off. You’re being a perfectionist, Nana.”

I scowled over my shoulder and let the full weight of my light hit him across the face. “Got a problem with it?” I challenged. He chuckled darkly. His grin was crooked like a broken door handle. I tried to hide my work from him with my shoulder. “It’s not done yet.”

“It’s late.” The rest of the street was dark. I knew that.

“I said I’m not done yet! You can go home.”

“Hmm.” He scratched his grey beard.

“What?”

“Look at you. You know who makes the best artists, Nana?” He was always a bit of a philosopher. Maybe he used to study that before medicine.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up. I’m working on it.”

He gave my shoulder a light push. “The ones that don’t quit.”

They let me touch a needle gun after that. I told myself I’d only sign my new apartment lease as an experiment. I didn’t have to actually stay. I’d just run from the ink on paper and hope no one chased after girls with eyes that glow.

I didn’t break my lease. I drew suns and moons, trees and fireflies, hunks in speedos on tipsy college girls who swore they were sober and erotic vampires on the chests of men getting their first divorce. I had to give two refunds for a duck that turned out lopsided and a tattoo of someone’s dog which I swore really was that ugly to begin with.

There was one at the end of that next year though, another college girl with perfectly white piano-key teeth. She asked for a stick and poke, that was what I was best at anyway, she asked for a butterfly. Butterflies were easy, I could do the little ones in my sleep. She wanted one all across her back, she said I could make it look however I wanted. So I did. Wings like fringed shawls and straight heavy lines combined with wispy swirling ones. It was dark, black ink with red highlights and gray shadows under each wing to give it movement and flight.

I hid my smile when I finished and showed her the results in the mirror. She went to my bosses and jumped up and down. She pointed and babbled, ohmyspirits, the best thing I’ve ever seen! Fuck. I should pay you double! Where did you get this girl?

I held myself perfectly still and studied the ceiling until my eyes dried out.

I took the long way home that night. I stopped once, at the corner where the midnight bus arrived, and watched the the passengers trudge off. I didn’t expect to see Mags again so soon, not really, but sometimes I wanted to show her: Hey, maybe your work wasn’t all wasted. Maybe I did start to become.

---------------- “I’m getting you chocolate.” Annie spat, her thick arms flexing as she cleaned off the spotless counter. “I’m getting you fucking chocolate, Shadow, ‘less you tell me what flavor you actually like.”

I hung at the back of the shop next to the narrow window that faced the road. I let the sun warm my face in thick strips and watched the bicycles pass. “It’s not my birthday.”

“Tell us what your actual birthday is then, you sugar-toasted tart.”

I shrugged. “Not today.”

“Well happy fucking birthday. You’re turning two. You came to work for us two years ago today, washed up from the beach like a deranged feral cat, so this is your birthday now.”

I rolled my eyes which served to look like a flashlight given a shake. Annie spent another minute splashing disinfectant on anything that might have had even a passing conversation with a germ.

“You talk to Birdie?” She asked, but mischievously this time. I responded by setting my mouth in a hard line. “You’re turning twenty-something and you’re not even talking to Birdie, are ya?”

“I’m not telling you what I’m turning. It’s still not my birthday.” I dodged inelegantly.

“Birdie will give you a proper go-around. Even shadows like you must need a little rub now and then.”

“Go dunk your head, Annie.” I huffed.

“Afraid you’ll blind her in bed?”

I turned with a snarl. “I’ll start with you.”

“I’ve seen you flipping through those poetry books, every word about hands or mouths or rosebuds.” She gave me flat a once-over. “You’ve got a sweet tooth in you.”

I dragged myself over to the desk to snarl at her some more, but Annie was already putting her hand up and going toward the backroom.

“I’m getting you a chocolate cake either way.”

There must have been a proper way to get her to never look at my little leather poetry books again, the ones with watermarked pages, the spines broken-in, and words that oozed. No one had to know that I could read, much less that I read that.

The door dinged instead.

“Excuse me.” She walked in. Her. “Is someone, um, named Nana here?” I turned before I could stop myself. That was still my name. And it was still my work.

Twenty-something, curtains of straight black hair falling in her face, pinched nose, thin energetic lips, shorts that gave way to milk-dipped legs that never seemed to end. A slight girl in a university t-shirt. College kids came in often during their breaks, but this one was a bit different. My eyes dragged up and fish-hooked there.

Feathered tendrils sprouted from her head and reached toward the ceiling. Long and searching, a pearly green color that reminded you of leaves or plumage.

I knew within a moment where I’d heard of this: Antennae Girl. The newspapers ran our stories close together along with the boy that breathed fire and the girl with roots growing from her head. We were all born in the same year during the epoch of monsters and bastards.

I think she recognized me too.

We stopped like heartbeats seizing up before the ambulance could make it. A confused, unnatural silence. I glanced at the door and considered making a run for it.

She cleared her throat first.

“Someone said that Misty’s butterfly tattoo came from here?” She blinked once and I noticed how her feathered antennae seemed to twitch. I averted my eyes so I wouldn’t blind her. She took a step forward. “So are you . . . Nana?”

The door was right there.

“What do you want?” I had been spending too much time with Bitch-Annie.

“A tattoo?”

“What kind?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Then why are you here?” I grunted. Footsteps came in from the back room. I was examining the smudged off-white tiles of the floor one by one.

“I wanted to . . . hey, you can look up if you want.” She said, curiously, softly. I didn’t look up. “I’m still figuring out the design.” She trudged on ahead.

“Fine.” I pivoted away. “But we’re busy. Come back later.”

A hand slapped across my shoulder. “This is Nana.” Annie stopped me from leaving. “Don’t let her eyes fool ya, it’s her personality that’s actually the problem. You saw her butterfly you said?”

“Yes!” She gushed. “It was gorgeous.”

“It was fine,” I corrected.

“It’s her birthday today.” Annie shared because she could and because she was a failed evil villain still trying to get her kicks in.

“Oh cool, happy Birthday.” A deep pause followed that could fill oceans. “You can look up. I don’t mind.” She repeated.

I opened my eyes wide and lifted my chin in one jerky motion. A beam of fluorescent headlights hit her across the face. “Is this what you want?” Venom dripped from my lips. This was why I tried not to talk too much.

The young woman squinted for a moment before covering her eyes and nodding. “I read about you,” she stated as if it was nothing. “I’m turning twenty-two this year . . . so I guess, you are too?”

“What?!” Delight filled Annie’s entire expression. “Hot damn! Twenty-two?” I groaned deeply. “Hey, you, girlie,” she addressed antennae-girl, “you want to come out for drinks tonight?”

I tried to protest as quickly as possible, but somehow didn’t summon the words quickly enough.

“Sure.” She agreed. ----------------------

The night was humid and clung to us like a second skin. I wandered through the hilly streets with Penguin Davies wobbling beside me. The desk kid—Daft Jeff, said Davies had some inner-ear problem that made it hard for him to keep his balance. Annie said he just didn’t belong on land— he couldn’t walk straight unless something was tilting and rolling under his feet.

Davies made his way up the hill, faltering and missing the musical beats of it. He refused to let me steady him and I refused to have him sing to me. It was apparently my birthday.

“Someone saw your design.” He noted on the downhill.

“Yeah. Some college girl.” I grumbled.

“What’d you think?” He asked in his usual mysterious way.

“She just wants a good look.” I returned in a neutral tone. “She read about me in the paper. All she wants to do is look.”

“She saw your design.” He paused. “And Jeff said she was like you.”

I blinked hard so the path ahead was eaten by shadow and Davies stumbled. “Not all of us have to be friends . . .” I said sourly and didn’t fill in the rest. “I’ve met kids with antlers and frog-hands before. I doesn’t mean anything.”

“Any of them come visit?”

“They’re smart enough not to.” I snark. “But the ones who manage to be pretty don’t have the brains to stay away.”

“Mm.” He made a soft sound. “What kind of tattoo do you think she’ll get?”

“How should I know? A heart or anchor or something dumb like that.” I walked on ahead. “Maybe I’ll give her a quote from some dead poet.”

“You like poetry.”

I huff dramatically, “Not what I mean. Girls like her don’t like my type of poetry, you know I’m saying.”

“What kind of girls?” Davies was patient. I hated that about him.

I stopped at the corner to let him catch up. “Don’t play dumb. Hot ones, college ones, getting a degree in money or music. They don’t watch over their shoulders enough or know when to stay away.” I scuffed my shoe on the ground. “Whatever.”

Davies was still thinking. I considered pushing him over. He finally spoke up again as we approach the bar, “That sea witch ever show up again?”

“Mags?” I snorted. “No. Why?”

“Cause I’m sure she’d like to see this.”

I didn’t say anything else as we reached the doorway. -------------------- The bar was loud. More people than I liked came to my “party.” I should have seen it coming. If the cliff city liked one thing it was an excuse to drink.

I crammed myself up against the bar and ordered a gin and tonic before the rest of the night crowd could arrive. Birdy was holding court at a corner table and waving at me. “There she is! Someone put a blanket over Nana, lights out, party up!”

Her puns usually left something to be desired. She sang “Blinded by the Light” every time she saw me for half a year.

I drank half my gin and tonic in the first gulp as a new stream of townies burst in. They arrived to buy me birthday beers and shout their opinions on the shitty new chain restaurant on 3rd street. I was almost tasting the bottom of my second glass when someone tapped on my shoulder.

I barely looked over.

The girl with sheets of black hair and a practiced-appearance stood before me—like she was at dress rehearsal and expected everyone else to know the lines as well. She carried a baby-blue bike helmet in one hand, and I noted there were two hand-drilled holes in the top.

“You.” I was tempted to shake her hand like I might make this a transactional hello and goodbye in short order.

“Hey.” She smiled, hesitant, like maybe the food on the fork might be too hot. “Nana, right?”

“Yep.” I sighed the word real long and heavy. “Listen, I really can’t give you a tattoo if you don’t know what you want.”

“No, no, I get it. But I want you to know . . . I didn’t know it was you.”

“Uh, okay. Though I’m pretty hard to miss over here.” I was looking at the dirty wine bottles stacked near the ceiling. Her antennae hang over both of us like fern fronds.

“No. I mean, when I saw the butterfly. That’s when I wanted to come here. Not after.”

“After what?” I was gonna make her say it.

“After I found that it was, well, you know, Headlights Girl.”

“Mm.” I was spending too much time with Davies. “You want something to drink?”

She sighed as well, real long and heavy. “Sure.” She took the seat next to me. “I’m Park by the way.”

“Park.” I rolled the name around in my mouth. “And you already know me.”

“I don’t think I do.” She laughed, sharp and bristly like something you can get cut on. “And I’ll have a beer. . . but only once you look up. Come on, I’m not like that.” I looked up. Her face was bright, round like the moon, her grin was sneaky and unearned. “There we go.”

She waved over the bartender Kipp and ordered her dark beer.

“It’s not really my birthday.” I informed her, dumbly. Every word felt dumb and clumsy all at once.

“Why not?” She was teasing. I knew that.

“That’s not how birthdays work.” I informed and wished I could backtrack into hostility again.

“Oh darn,” she winked. “And here I was about to make it my birthday too.”

“Uh, well,” I really should have left when I had the chance. “It’s not too late?”

“That’s the spirit!” She laughed, fuller this time and rounded. I looked her straight in the face and then quickly looked away again. Her grin was aimed at me, somehow, and seemed to reach high cupboards inside me you usually needed a stool for.

“Park,” I repeated the name and shifted in place. “So did you go to Haveryards or Simmons?” There were only two schools in the country for spirit bastards like us. Haveryards was close enough for me to get bussed to—an hour one way and then an hour home.

“Neither. I went to public and then Bakerville Uni.” She rapped on the counter. “Hey, you want another gin and tonic? Or I’ll mix you up something.” Her eyes flickered over everything. “I bartended my way through college so I can make a mean margarita.”

“Oh, Bakerville U., yeah. That ones close.” I stuttered a bit. She was leaning across the counter and trying to get Kipp’s attention a second time. My words were feeling dumber and dumber by the moment, perhaps losing all shape and meaning altogether. “That’s where you went?”

“How’d you guess?” She said playfully and pointed to her t-shirt. She finally got the bartender over. “Right, you want something hard? Vodka maybe? A mule?”

I scratched my chin. “ . . . I don’t care. I’m easy.”

She rolled her eyes and I knew she must feel me staring. “I can’t imagine shopping for you for today then.” She snickered and climbed over the counter. “Happy birthday, how about one chocolate mule for a free tattoo?”

“You wish.” I made a face. “You don’t even know what you want.”

“And you do?” She was still grinning, somehow. “I’ve decided I’m making you the equivalent of all the soda flavors mixed together at once. Close your eyes.”

I closed my eyes and I tried to turn off my thoughts. It was bright as knives inside my skull; I carry the daytime with me. Panic threatened to rise up (for no reason of course), but a soft hand brushed against mine, soft like sheets in fancy hotels and flower petals. I peaked and Park slid a full murky glass toward me.

“Drink up.”

It was sweet. It wasn’t even my birthday. I didn’t care. She called it a chocolate-mule-Park Special and maybe chocolate really was my favorite flavor. -------------- Park started coming around. She rode a sky-blue bike with a white basket and rusting hinges. I couldn’t imagine doing all the hills in the city without any gears, but she managed. She said she was figuring things out after graduating. She said she liked it here.

I grumbled when she came by. I complained like Annie when Wicker the cat visited: Get that thing away from me. I hate that. Smells awful. I’ve got allergies. Put that away, it’ll kill me.

I never said anything when Annie left fish heads out and bowls of milk of course.

Park smelled like sunscreen and breath mints. She had strong opinions on everything from street paving techniques to which sun hats went with which dresses. She invited me on walks. She invited me to help her change a flat tire. She invited me to the corner shop to help her pick out bottle can openers.

I said no. Sometimes I said no. I started to say yes.

“Look at this,” she liked to show me things. She liked to show me pictures of squirrels on her phone and weird pieces of glass she found. She liked to point out new restaurants (that I’d already been to) and play videos of funny traffic jams.

This time she held up a seashell. It was rounded and flat with a swirl in the center.

“I’m looking.” I said carefully.

“Watch how it catches light.” I shun my eyes on it and she moved it back and forth. There were bits of silver veins caught in the cracks of it.

“There’s tons of those.” At this point, I had valiantly refused to be impressed by even her cutest squirrel pictures.

“Ugh.” She pouted. “Are you kidding? I spent all morning looking for this.”

“They're right by the surf. I could find you five bigger ones than this before sunset.”

“Alright, hot-shot.” She jut her chin out and jabbed my shoulder. “Prove it.”

I said yes to that one. I left right after my shift ended with the sun setting in the waters like a stabbed orange bleeding out. I met Park by the parking lot with drooping palms trees lining the sides and lost flipflops everywhere.

“This is where you went wrong.” I announced. I couldn’t help it. “This is the tourist beach. You have to go somewhere real.”

“Alright, alright. You’ve already established you’re the hot-shot here. Lead the way.”

She followed me. I ignored how she lingered by my side. I ignored how her hand wrapped around my arm as she stopped us to look at a tiny horseshoe crab. Her hand was soft, like velvet, soft enough to smother something in my chest.

I found two seashells with streaks of silver and rainbow through them, both bigger than my palm. The sun was a flat line on the horizon before I could find a third and Park hooted.

“You said before sunset! It’s sunset, baby, pay up.” She called. “And you were so sure you were a better seashell hunter than me.” She tsked.

I scanned the ground more quickly. “It’s barely nighttime.” I pointed to the sky. “And I can keep looking. I have the built-in equipment for it.”

“Oh I know.” She planted herself on the soggy crusted sand and sat down in a heap. “But can you find why kids love the taste of not doing that? Take it easy. Take a seat.”

“So pushy.”

“You know me.” It was fond. It had only been a few months, but there was something fond there.

I ran a hand through my short choppy curls. “Fine.” I sat next to her, not too close. “It’s your loss.” We both looked out at the gently lapping waves, foaming and anemic. She let a long breath of air and for a moment I considered brushing her hair back. It was always in her face.

It was a quiet moment, bottled, and pitching toward something. Like the the moment where you miss a step on the stairs and the certainty of the fall was right there.

I was the one that scooted a little closer.

“I’m considering getting a storm cloud,” she commented off-handedly. “Can you do storm clouds?”

I made a sound of consideration. “Sure.” I glanced toward the opposite corner of the night sky. “I think I’ve seen one of those before. Big puffy wet things?”

“Kinda fluffy? You’re getting there.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” I’m smiling, which is alright since there’s no way she could see it. She’s silent for another moment longer.

“Or would you make fun of me if I got something like a butterfly? Like your other one.”

“A storm cloud butterfly?”

“No. The cloud would it’s own thing.” She chewed on her bottom lip, ragged and chapped. “I mean, I’ve been doodling some ideas. And tattoos should be personal, right? So I thought a storm cloud might be fitting. Kids used to pay me a couple dollars to predict the weather. It could be a memorial to childhood entrepreneurial spirit.”

I watched her speak and something beat inside my chest like a second animal. I wanted to be closer. I wanted to feel velvet again.

“Why?” I rasped after a moment.

“Uh, why did they pay me? It’s just something I can do. Whenever it's going to rain or storm or be sunny out. I dunno, I don’t know why the rest of you can’t sense it.”

“And you didn’t become a meteorologist?” I smiled a bit bitterly.

She made an indignant noise. “And you didn’t become a professional lighthouse?”

I choked on a laugh. “Not yet.” A quiet consumed us from both sides, I made sure my light didn’t crash into her. I made sure to look at anything but her. She’d have to squint if I did and cover her eyes and I’d be there, ready to run her over.

“Kids in my class paid me too.” I barely realized I started speaking. “They slipped me a couple bucks to close my eyes so they could see my face.”

“You got money for that?”

“There wasn’t always much to do. Teachers were quitting all the time and sometimes it was just the TV. I dunno, they paid me. Then they’d giggle and run away afterward.” My voice sounded automated like the announcer at an airport, informing travelers their flight was canceled. “They always said I had a pig nose or a unibrow or looked like the lead singer of that Minx girl band-- super hot, but you know, it didn’t matter.” The laugh that escaped was high, girlish in a grotesque way. “Since, you know, no one would ever see it.”

“Kids are fucked up.” Park contributed simply.

“Adults are too.” I sniffed. “Everyone wants a light show.”

“Oh.” She said slowly. “Is it . . . is it bad I wanted to meet you then? I mean, I wanted to see the art first, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a factor.”

“No.” I said quickly. I lit up my own lap and empty hands. “Does it matter?”

“I never went to those schools,” she said hesitantly. “My parents fought them, said the schools were unfit. They shouldn’t be able to force us there. And that I wasn’t even dangerous since,” she gestured helplessly upward, “I just have these. So then, well, I never really met anyone else like me.”

“I mean, everyone’s different. It’s not . . . a big deal.”

“You’d think so,” she commented sardonically.

I folded up into myself like a complex origami piece. “Yeah, well, sometimes I wish I was dangerous. Actually dangerous.”

She giggled. “Didn’t you just say everyone’s different? I’d say everyone’s dangerous too. Just gotta find the niche.”

“Oh yeah,” I dared to turn toward her. “What’s yours then?”

“My danger niche? Hmm.” She was leaning now, pitching forward like a wave come to drown me. “I do have a few tricks up my sleeve I’ll admit.”

“You have a pair of wings hidden away?” I stopped breathing as her hand lifted up, strange and all at once. I wasn’t ready.

“Here.” Her skin was against mine. She cupped my cheek with one velvet-hand. It was heated cashmere, tiny feather-light hairs on her palm. “Feelers.” She whispered with a hesitancy there.

“Ah,” I was indulgent. I closed my eyes. I leaned in. “And you want to put a needle over these?” I put my hand over hers, loosely, so she could pull away if she wanted to. Tiny hairs pulsed there with some kind of life all their own.

“I wanted . . .” She paused and I peaked open my eyes. I could see every detail of her face, illuminated. “I dunno.” She finished. “I guess I just wanted whatever I saw there, before.”

“In the butterfly?”

“In the butterfly.” I turned toward the ocean, but my hand remained over hers. “I’m not sure how good it will be a second time. It’s not like I’m really an artist. . .”

“What did you want to be?” Soft.

“Who knows. I mean, I’m glad my parents didn’t try to fight the schools. Being there during the day was better than being home, listening to my mom crying all the time and my father exploding . . . They wouldn’t have wanted me home.”

Before the sunset, when I was walking over, I thought maybe we’d kiss that night. I thought I’d feel that first electric pulse and maybe we’d climb into the ocean and swim in circles, laugh until the moon rose. I thought maybe I’d get something out of my system and there wouldn’t be anything left to say or do.

I’d kiss Park, once, and she’d be satisfied. She’d understand. She’d go on her college path and I’d go on on mine.

But the words spilled out, unbidden. Park stayed in place, steady and unflinching. That made it worse, so much worse.

“My parents weren’t like yours.” There was an accusatory edge to it. Don’t you know? I wanted to shout. Don’t you know? Even without the eyes or the school bills or the bus.

“Hey,” she cradled my cheeks with both hands now and smeared the tears away from one eye. “Hey, listen, I know. Alright? I know.”

I scowled back at her feathered little feelers.

“It’s not about the damn antenna or head beams or anything else.” I tried to pull away. “Even the kid with the antler’s kissed me and I didn’t stop him. I ran away from home and my mom never came looking. It didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter! You wouldn’t even get it. You wouldn’t get it!” I squeeze my eyes closed. “You were wanted.”

Slowly, like an awkward animal burrowing into soft earth, she pressed her forehead to the crook of my neck. I could feel us both breathing in, strong and steady. She was lean and silky, and I swore I can feel her heartbeat hammering through my throat.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. I inhaled her sunscreen scent. “I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know. But I could.”

“Why are you here?” It was miserable and wet, I hated that my eyes were so different and yet still the same. Could still spill over like theirs. She took a long breath but didn’t move away.

“My last girlfriend broke up with me for being . . . sensitive and I thought maybe if I got a tattoo, I’d stop feeling so much. I’d prove something. I’d feel everything less, you know? It would hurt and then it wouldn’t.”

I took that in a parsec at time. “Are you,” I sniffed. “Are you alright?” Her legs and arms were plastered over mine. “You’re so soft, but, but I don’t want to,” I wipe at my face like it didn’t matter. “Hurt you.”

“I know.” Her face was still pressed to my neck and her lips fluttered across the hallow of my skin. “I didn’t want to hurt you either.”

A stillness settled into my bones. I glanced toward the moon, and it was like looking at like, a terrible moon to another moon. I gathered myself. I took a deep breath. I flattened.

“I shouldn’t have said all that.” My voice had dried up. “We led different lives.” It wasn’t her fault if she was wanted.

“No.”

“I wasn’t thinking . . .”

Her hand wrapped around my wrist. “I talk to Annie sometimes when you aren’t there.”

“Okay?”

“And Davies. And that front desk guy.”

“Daft Jeff. Yes.”

“They all say the same thing . . .” I blinked a couple times. “That I really should wait for you to give me the tattoo. You have a steady hand and an eye for detail.”

“Alright . . .”

“That someone taught you tattooing the right way. They wanted to show you the right way to do it.”

I snorted despite myself. “It’s not that hard. Mags was batty. Who knows why she showed me how to pick up a needle.”

“Don’t you see? They say they wouldn’t know what to do without you.” She was still there. She wasn’t moving, almost in my lap now. “You were wanted.”

“Park?” My voice cracked like a question.

“And you come with me to restaurants and help me buy bottle openers. You find shells for me and help me fix tires.” Her breath was hot and dragged across my cheek. “You are wanted.”

I blocked out her face, her voice, I turned on the sharp white sun inside and for a moment I imagine never opening my eyes back up again. Maybe I could make it night forever inside myself as well. Wouldn’t you rather have something quiet inside?

She wrapped herself around me, fully, one long arm at a time until it was cocoon. Soft. “Listen, sometimes the first people aren’t the right people. Sometimes your first relationship isn’t the right relationship. Sometimes you’re sure the world is one way, and like, always one way . . . and then it rains and the whole world is different again. You know? People pass.”

“My parents aren’t the weather.”

“But they’ll pass.” I should have pushed her off. But even against that, even those words— I liked being held, indulgent as chocolate and twice as guilty. “People sometimes feel forever, especially those kinds of people.” I was off again. “But it rains. And hey, I always know when it’s going to rain.”

I hiccupped; a smile found its way uninvited onto my face, unsure and just wobbly on its feet as Davies. I glanced down after a deep breath. Park grinned back at me and it reached the highest shelves of me all over again.

“So what happens when it rains again? Do you people like you pass?”

“Nah, not me. I don’t know how.” She winked. I didn’t notice that we’re lying flat now, stars and carpet of black above. “You can’t get rid of me. You haven’t given me that tattoo yet.”

The sound of shushing waves filled the midnight air and the moon looked down like that very first bus arriving to get me all those years ago. I wrapped my arms right back around her. She didn’t seem to mind that I was sticky or strange or sometimes kept tearing up all over again even after we’d stop saying anything worth tearing up over. ------------------

It happened. I felt like I should have been more prepared, brought flowers or poetry or earned it through honored warfare. But it happened. I was wearing ripped jeans, a spotty t-shirt and my breath smelled like coffee. We were looking for Park’s lost earring along an overgrown hill she usually biked along.

I found it, one shiny red dewdrop in all that green. Park pointed at some clouds that looked like my last “abstract” tattoo. We lay back in the grass and let the sky pass overhead. She giggled and touched my wrist, side by side. I let her.

“Summer’s almost over.” I mumbled it first.

“Yeah?”

“You find your next step then, college girl?” I tried to keep my tone light. She turned to be on her side.

“Maybe.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Oh, you know. This and that.”

“That does not sound like a college-girl plan.”

“Maybe I’ve got other plans. Maybe I’ve got other priorities, huh?”

“Ridiculous.” A playfully push her shoulder. “A lousy seaside town really isn’t priority material. There’s only one bookshop you know.”

“Two thank you very much. And that’s not my priority either.” Her voice wavered.

“Are you going to share with the class?”

“Is the class ready?” She whispered and I turned toward her as well now, taking in her perfect round face and question-mark mouth.

“I have been.” I matched her whisper. I tremor from my center outward and hopes she can’t tell.

“Do you know what they say about moths?”

“What?” I gave a breathy laugh. It wasn’t what I was expecting. “I’ve heard of them.”

“They tell your fortune.” She was grinning in that way that put out a stool and reached up. “I used to cry a lot growing up, because some kids said that moths are just evil butterflies. I was sensitive and ran all the way home. I threw myself at my mom’s feet and threw a fit about how moths were just evil butterflies. They were just ugly, wicked versions of a good thing.”

“Evil? Well, I suppose you are rather sinister when you haven’t eaten.”

“Shut up. I’m telling you something.” She put a hand on my shoulder. I inhaled deeply and turned over in place to face her. Only the shallow breeze kept us apart.

“I’m all ears . . . though maybe not as many as you.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“What can I say? The sun is adorable. I take after him.”

A finger ghosted over my cheek, tracing the arc of my cheekbone. “Well, you’re not so bad behind those headlights too. Some of us have good day vision you know. And good taste.”

I wished those words didn’t make my chest do funny things. “Thanks.”

“Do you want to hear what my mom said or not?”

“That you shouldn’t worry about evil butterflies?” I wiggled closer. “Because you’ll be really hot and funny and smart one day. So who cares if you’re evil?”

“Yeah, those were her exact words.”

“So?”

“So,” a firm hand took my chin. “Look at me.” I looked at her. I was glad she couldn’t see the flush in my cheeks in any way. “Moths show good fortunes she said.”

“Right. Lots and lots of good fortune.” I breathed, dumbly, of course. She was close and sweet and there was hair in her face. The fronds of her antennae tickle right past my ear.

“They can help you find good fortune. They’re good omens. You know why?” Park’s lips were barely moving as she spoke, hypnotic and unhurried.

“Why?”

“Because they follow the light.”

It happened all at once. Like every cheesy love poem or bad lyrics I wrote in my journals at night. It was every cracked-spine of a book using words like “rosebud lips” and every overdone song about people who find their way to each other.

I kissed her, leaning in with no life vest on or readied crash-landing position. She kissed me and my chest filled with her, breathless, drowning, soft as dreams and stranger than hope. I cradled her and she dragged me closer and closer until it was nothing but floods and brimming.

I’d been nothing before I think, I’d been an island that waits, a bus that leaves, a shadow that hides. And then I had been hers. ----------------- I was strolling home from work along the main road. The thin strip of sidewalk was streaked with bleached sunlight and the salt air was thick enough to burn throats. It was the long way home, but I was in the habit of going back to this corner.

The bus pulled up with little ceremony. It was an interstate one that crisscrossed over empty bellies of land. I stopped in place to watch, just in case, as I had many times before.

A silver head bobbed down the steps and planted herself on the concrete, unbelieving. She took an enormous noisy sniff of the air. “Not so bad!” She bellowed.

“Are you?” That wasn’t meant to be my first word. She was more stooped now and wearing shiny things on her wrist that clanked. She’d lost another tooth. “Mags.”

“Eh!” She yelled and waved frantically as if I hadn’t shot up another inch since I last saw her and started wearing clothes without holes in them. Her eyes sparkled as she tottered over. “So how’d you do, kid?”

“See for yourself.” I smiled. It was nice when the tides came back in. Mags gave me a thorough appraising. “Like this I guess.” I held up my hand. I wiggled my ring finger at her, heavy with a silver band and glittering opal.

“That’s my girl! Always knew you’d find your feet.” She cackled. “Am I too late to give you away, kid?”

I shook my head. She waddled over to me so I could take her hand. I took her home to show her my art and new tattoos, I showed her our terrible one-eyed kitten, Basket (Wicker’s son), and the little house we styled ourselves. I showed her our shoe closet and our queen bed, our messy kitchen and busted screen door. I showed her the moth tattoo over my heart, and Park showed her the matching lighthouse one over hers.

I tried to thank her, of course, I tried to say I owed her more than she knew for picking up an angry, dirty kid and seeing something in her. I owed her everything. But she just patted my hand and said that it’s not about our debts in life, kid. It’s about the becoming.

-----------

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